Plants play an important role in preventing global warming, because they absorb carbon dioxide (CO^2) and convert it into oxygen via photosynthesis.  Well, I’ve heard that global warming is on the rise because of too much carbon dioxide in the atmosphere.  So this obviously means that plants aren’t doing their job.  I mean, that’s the main task of plants, right?  I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to eat them (although animals do, which is important, I reckon), so their main purpose of existence is to convert carbon dioxide into oxygen.

Since plants obviously aren’t fulfilling their basic life requirements, it’s time to take action.  I’m going to start suing greenhouses and plant outlets who are selling us defective plants and shrubberies and trees.  You may think this is crazy (and maybe it is), but hear me out.  Mother Nature has taken care of Earth for thousands of years.  Plants always did their job, and life continued on as it was designed to.  But in recent years, there have been stores that sold us plants, some of which were genetically mutated and stuff.  Obviously that’s why the plants are malfunctioning.

Someone has to hold these places accountable.  I should’ve seen this a long time ago.  The grass in the field behind my house grows just fine naturally, but when my yard was sodded for the first time, the grass didn’t grow well at all.  Why?  Because it was bought from a store.  And that’s not all — my wife got some flowers from the store and planted them, and they died not too long after that.  They were even watered extra beyond what the rain naturally sends, yet they died.  That’s just not acceptable.  That’s causing us to spend more money, and now I learned that the early death of these plants can contribute to global warming!  I shudder to consider how many people buy plants and shrubberies that die before their time, and now there’s too many greenhouse gases in the atmosphere.  What is this world coming to?