Category: Quotes

quotes from cartoons, pt. 6

Do you know what today is???  Yeah, it’s Wednesday, but that’s not all!  Today you get another batch of quotes from cartoons!  It’s a good time.  And it helps you get over the midweek hump (as some say).  But what if it’s not Wednesday where you live (or on the day you happen to read this)?  That doesn’t matter at all!  These quotes are good every day.  They have stood the test of time.  They continue to be funny, humorous, random, silly, and so forth, regardless of time and space.  So enjoy them… (and if you’re a visitor here, check out the other posts in this series, as well as other random posts).

There’s somethin’ kinda NYEEEE about a kid who don’t know how to play baseball! ~ Foghorn Leghorn

Is it hot in here or am I sweatin’? ~ Brak

Moltar, release the taco! ~ Space Ghost

I will hug him, and squeeze him, and call him George. ~ from a Bugs Bunny cartoon

There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want. ~ Calvin

That’s the problem with nature.  Something’s always stinging you or oozing mucus on you.  Let’s go watch TV. ~ Calvin

FLUSSSSSH!  Whee!  Ha Ha Ha.  Mom, I’m done with my bath now. ~ Calvin

I’ve developed a new philosophy… only dread one day at a time. ~ Charlie Brown

Don’t toy with me, woman. ~ Homer Simpson

Quoth the raven, eat my shorts. ~ Bart Simpson

Your superior intellect is no match for our puny weapons. ~ The Simpsons

Marge: Homer, where are you?
Homer: Uhh, I’m somewhere where I don’t know where I am.
Marge: Do you see towels?  If you see towels, you’re probably in the linen closet again.
~ The Simpsons

Well huzzah, huzzah.  I’ll just throw back my legs and pollute my britches with delight. ~ Mr. Burns, from The Simpsons

Hook: Nobody would follow an uncharismatic bore like you!
Rumble: Hey!  Nobody calls Soundwave uncrasimatic!
~ Transformers, The Movie

Megatron: You’re either lying, or stupid.
Starscream: I’m stupid!  I’m stupid!
~ Transformers

I will rule the universe, even if I am the only one left in the universe. ~ Starscream, Transformers

And, isn’t sanity really just a one-trick pony anyway?  I mean all you get is one trick, rational thinking, but when you’re good and crazy, oooh, oooh, oooh, the sky is the limit. ~ The Tick

The human mind is a dangerous plaything, boys.  When it’s used for evil, watch out!  But when it’s used for good, then things are much nicer. ~ The Tick

Ah savory cheese puffs, made inedible by time and fate. ~ The Tick, during spring cleaning

Man-At-Arms: You dare threaten her life?
Skeletor: I DARE ANYTHING!  I am Skeletor!
~ from Masters of the Universe

All humans are vermin in the eyes of Morbo! ~ Morbo, from Futurama

You win again, gravity. ~ Captain Zapp Brannigan, from Futurama

Pathetic human race.  Arranging their knowledge by category just made it easier to absorb.  Dewey, you fool!  Your decimal system has played right into my hands!  Ha ha ha ha! ~ Chief Giant Brain, in the library absorbing all of Earth’s knowledge, from Futurama

Human female: “All in all, this is one day that Mittens the kitten will not soon forget.”
Morbo: “Kittens give Morbo gas.  In later news the city of New New York is doomed.  Blame rests with known human professor Hubert Farnsworth and his tiny inferior brain.”
~ from Futurama

Brian Griffin: Face it Peter, you get competitive about everything.
Peter Griffin: I am so not competitive.  In fact, I am the least non-competitive.  So I win. ~ Family Guy

For every pickle I find, I shall kill you. ~ Stewie Griffin, Family Guy

Stimpy: Hey, Ren, this horse reminds me of your Uncle Eddie.
Ren: Why is that?
Stimpy: Because he’s big and stinky.
Ren: Hey, you shouldn’t say mean things like that!  Didn’t you ever consider that this horse might have feelings?
~ Ren & Stimpy

Powdered Toast Man: Quick, man!  Cling tenaciously to my buttocks!
The Pope: Both of them?
~ Ren & Stimpy

BRAIN: Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering?
PINKY: I think so, Brain, but where are we going to find a duck and a hose at this hour?
~ Pinky and the Brain

You’re not a failure kid.  It’s just that your ideas are silly and dumb. ~ Cosgrove, Freakazoid

Well I’d better be going… For somewhere there are wrongs to right.  There are foes to fight.  There are little chunks of carrot in your teeth… I’d have that taken care of, it can lead to insanity. ~ Freakazoid

We’ve put together a little motion picture about Freakazoid’s origin.  It’s filled with action and adventure and even features a scene with a man wrestling a bear for no reason. ~ Jack Valenti, Freakazoid

Freakazoid: Cosgrove, how come you never got married?
Cosgrove: Because I like meat too much.
Freakazoid: You can be married and still eat alot of meat.
Cosgrove: I didn’t know that.
~ Freakazoid

By the way there’s a spooky cloud thing out here turning people into clown zombies.  I’d take care of that if I were you. ~ Cosgrove, Freakazoid

Ahhhhhhh scream with meeeee! ~ Guitierrez, when falling, Freakazoid

Freakazoid: [on the phone] Guess where I am.  I’m at your prison.  Me and my friends are gonna rescue the Douglas family and a mime and escape YOU BIG FATHEAD!  FATTY FATTY CHUNKY CHUNKY LARDFACE!
Russian Security Minister: Your death will be very painful.
[hangs up]
Russian Security Minister: Notify the prison authorities.  I want to deal with Freakazoid personally!
Steph: Freakazoid, you just insulted the security minister and gave him our exact location!
Roddy MacStew: What was the point, lad?  What’s your plan?
Freakazoid: [thinks a moment] OK, I know you’re gonna be mad but I forgot the rest of my plan.
~ Freakazoid

Who dare disturbs the Master of Masters, the Shogun of Sorrow, Aku? ~ Aku, to Samurai Jack

“How can I repay ya, lad?”  “Friends owe no debts.” ~ Samurai Jack, to Scottish warrior

Here’s the link to the other entries in our series.

how cereal makes me smarter

This morning I had cereal for breakfast.  This may not seem newsworthy, but this isn’t a news service.  🙂  I had Cocoa Dyno Bites, which are the “generic brand” equivalent of Cocoa Pebbles (and are also part of a balanced breakfast).  What makes this event special is that it was the last bowl of the bag, which means it was extra-chocolatey.  And so it was extra delicious.  (Those of you who have experienced this will understand.)  I wonder if the nutritional info applies to the last bowl also.

The Dyno Bites don’t come with a toy, but they give you more cereal for a cheaper price, and it tastes about the same.  Not that I need a toy (especially one in the less-than-$1 range).  But there is that saying, “Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.”  But I still choose cereal based on flavor, which is based largely on the amount of sugar and chocolate in it.  This confirms what I already know — I have not yet reached middle age.  I plan to stay in the “young adult” range for a while.  (I also plan to live forever.  You may laugh, but so far so good.)

There’s also another quote about middle age that I know of : “Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.”  The broadness of the waist has started happening already, but my mind continues to broaden.  In fact, my knowledge continues to grow exponentially.  (That means a LOT, for those of you who aren’t sesquipedalianists or who dislike obfuscation.)  So obviously that proverb doesn’t apply to me, either.  I sometimes wonder if there is a limit to how much knowledge the human brain can store.  I doubt anyone has ever reached that limit, if one exists.  But I’m aiming for the world record of most knowledge accumulated by one person in memory.  I’m well on my way already, and I haven’t even reached middle age yet.

You may now be wondering what all this has got to do with cereal (or did you forget about the cereal already)?  Nothing, really.  It just shows how many neural and synaptic connections can be made off any random point, due to the immense storehouse of knowledge and stuff.  I also wonder if it’s possible that one can increase their randomness quotient by increasing their intelligence…  I’m not sure yet, but I will continue my personal research in this matter (and then I will know even more!).  See, I can start talking about eating the last bowl of my cereal and then come up with original theorems / postulates / hypotheses in the same article.  Sometimes I amaze myself with all these cognitive acrobatics.  The randomness continues to flow, more than this post can contain.

(BTW, I realize some people may think this is pure rambling, but consider if it just might be the essence of distilled wisdom.  And maybe next time you’re eating cereal you’ll start to expound on various truths and such.  It’s a good time.)

Optimus Prime doing roundhouse kicks

I was just talking with someone about the upcoming Transformers movie, and we were thinking there should be a Transformer with ninja skills.  He could be all-black, with special stealth skills, and have fast fighting moves.  He could throw explosive ninja stars.  G.I. Joe had ninjas — Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow — and that was cool, so I think it would work for the Transformers.

Also, it would be neat if they enabled Optimus Prime to be able to do roundhouse kicks (a la Chuck Norris).  To fit that into the story, the Autobots and Decepticons are both searching for a Chuck Norris upgrade package, which gives you crazy-cool fighting skills, then Optimus Prime ends up with it.  I know this deviates from the canon of Transformers lore (the comics), but I think most fans would buy into it.  (Besides, Michael Bay is already changing up the story so much, so they might as well make them even better.)  Somebody should make this happen.

Somebody has thought of combining them before, as evidenced by this quote (sorry I don’t know who said it) :

The original theme song to The Transformers was actually “Chuck Norris — more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris — robot in disguise”, and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up.  This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

For a show it might be too much, yeah, but what about for a movie?  Think about it…

quotes from cartoons, pt. 5

Once again it’s been a couple of months since our last installment of quotes from cartoons.  Well, I’m not gonna just sit around and do nothing (as tempting as that may sound).  I’m going to post another issue in our series.  Enjoy…

Welcome back, stupid viewers!  You’ll watch anything!  Go ahead, change the channel.  You’ll be back! ~ Space Ghost

Ex-cellent… ~ Mr. burns, on the Simpsons  (Editor’s note: I realize it’s a one-word quote, which isn’t much of a quote, but the way he says it is classic.)

My boloney has a first name, it’s H-O-M-E-R, my boloney has a second name, it’s H-O-M-E-R… ~ Homer Simpson

AHHH… Donuts… What can’t they do. ~ Homer Simpson

Going cold turkey isn’t as delicious as it sounds. ~ Homer Simpson

Spitwads are not free speech. ~ Bart Simpson, writing 500 times on the board

My polite indignation knows no bounds! ~ Apu, from The Simpsons

Psst… Hey Guido.  It’s all so clear to me now.  I’m the keeper of the cheese, and you’re the lemon merchant, get it?  And he knows it!  That’s why he’s gonna kill us! ~ Ren Hoek, from Ren & Stimpy

Stimpy: I know how you can be important.  I know how you can be really important.
Ren: Really?  How?
Stimpy: You can be the president… of my fan club!
Ren: President?  Wow!  President.
[Ren imagines he’s the President of the United States]
Ren: [Screaming on the phone] What do you mean you don’t agree with me?  Do you know who you’re dealing with?
[Pushes “The Button”; A loud explosion blows up a chunk of the world; Ren laughs maniacally]
Ren: [Back to reality] I’ll do it!
~ Ren & Stimpy

Thou doth possess a great wealth of ignorance. ~ Ren & Stimpy

I am ze locksmith of love, no? ~ Pepe Le Pew

Ain’t I a stinker? ~ Bugs Bunny

Happy, Happy.  Joy, Joy. ~ Ren & Stimpy

Monopoly is more fun when you make your own Chance cards. ~ Calvin

You know Einstein got really terrible grades?  Well, mine are even worse! ~ Calvin

You know Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don’t help. ~ Calvin

I have looked in so many places that I am sure I am closer to its being found than it being lost. ~ Winnie the Pooh

The key to finding something is to look where it is. ~ Tigger

Unicron: I have summoned you here for a purpose.
Megatron: Nobody summons Megatron!
Unicron: Then it pleases me to be the first.
~ Transformers, The Movie

There will be no war today, Optimus Prime.  You have earned Galvatron’s respect. ~ Galvatron, Transformers

Yes, destiny has her hand on my back, and she’s pushing! ~ The Tick

So, Arthur, once again we find that you can’t disguise the foul taste of evil with artificial or even natural sweeteners.  The recipe for goodness is ever-elusive.  But here’s a little tip.  When a nice, clean brain tumbles to the dirty street, to lie among the discarded wrappers and spat-out gumwads of wickedness, you can’t just pick it up and wash it off.  You gotta THINK it clean from the inside out. ~ The Tick

By the power of Greyskull… I have the power! ~ He-Man

Kittens give Morbo gas. ~ Morbo, from Futurama

I’m never gonna get used to the 31st century.  Caffineated bacon?  Baconated grapefruit?  ADMIRAL Crunch? ~ Fry, from Futurama

Cubert J. Farnsworth: I understand how the engines work now.  It came to me in a dream.  The engines don’t move the ship across the universe.  The ship stays in place and the engines move the universe around it.
Bender: That’s a complete load!
Cubert J. Farnsworth: Nothing’s a complete load!  Not if you can imagine it.  That’s what being a scientist is all about.
~ from Futurama

I have no idea how to be black… you know, except for not smiling when I get my picture taken. ~ Peter, Family Guy

Brain : I shall pollute the water supply with this DNAdefibuliser, turning everyone into mindless slaves.
Pinky : What about the people who drink bottled water?
Brain : Pinky, people who pay 5 dollars for a bottle of water are already mindless slaves.

If you’ve seen at least one episode from each of the cartoons referenced above, then you’re on your way to becoming a well-rounded individual.  If there’s some you haven’t seen, then you should start catching up.  Cartoons are great.

Here’s the link to the other entries in our quotes from cartoons series.