I think if I had to ever get chased by a monster I’d want it to be a giant monster made entirely of cheesecake. That wouldn’t be so bad… I’d grab a spoon & be like “here monster monster monster”
~Thomas Wayne
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Buffet o' Blog 
Beppo
Did you know most monsters are made of meat? But you don’t need just an ordinary grill for such things. You’ll need lots of grilling space, because there’s a lot of meat and there’ll be a lot of people who want to celebrate the victory. So check out the world’s largest grill. It’s pulled by a semi, the freezer in it holds half a ton of meat, and it can cook 750 bratwurst at one time. The grill is 65 feet long, and it weighs 27 tons.
The Punninator
I think I’d like to be chased by some sort of retarded sloth monster. That way, it’d be both really slow, and really slow.
Keep them awake
If I had to be chased by a monster, I’d want it to be the creature from the black lagoon, because in every movie you can see the zipper on the back of the costume. I would simply just get behind him, unzip the costume, and proceed to beating the person inside with a 2×4.
Thomas Aquinas
This Thomas Wayne person is a genius…
Thomas Wayne
Thank you, Mr. Taking-the-name-of-someone-from-the-13th-century. I figured some folks would recognize my genius.
People should take my comments seriously. Did you know I have as much authority as the Pope? I just don’t have as many people who believe it.
I’m like an international man of mystery, travelling the world, confusing people everywhere.
I’m also writing a future best-seller, Embellished Memoirs of my Life. I have a few excerpts on this site. When it’s published, I’m sure it’ll be critically acclaimed and stuff… And then when I’m makin’ millions, I’m gonna buy a huge mansion and just sit around and eat Cheetos and play video games, and I’ll have my own personal chef, and when I rip one of those lingering farts I’ll just ring a bell and he’ll come over w/a big fan and shoo it away. And I’m gonna host big parties. And the folks who think I’m already “too cool” will not know what to think… they’ll get all jealous and stuff, but I’ll invite them over anyway and tell them it’s still just me and we can still be friends…