CHICAGO, IL – Scientists at Loyola University have proved what many of us have suspected all along – exercise is bad for your health.

Dr. Harold Crampe of Loyola University and his colleagues spent six months studying the effects of exercise, comparing a group of men aged 20 to 50 who walked or ran at least 3 times a week with a control group of men in the same age range who spent the same time on the couch, watching TV.

Dr. Crampe says they were surprised by their findings. "You have a 4000% higher risk of being hit by a car or other motor vehicle, if you're out running," he says, "and some of the other risks are even higher."

Runners and walkers were nearly 3 times more likely to be attacked by dogs, 5 times more likely to sprain or break a limb, and nearly 50 times more likely to be struck by lightning.

"You're even 12 times as likely to be mugged," says Dr. Crampe. "Normally, when we study things like this, we find small effects at most – a few percentage points difference between the groups. In this case, we're seeing double or even triple digits or more!"

Asked if the couch-bound control group had any problems not seen by the exercise group, Dr. Crampe said "Well, we had a couple of guys who got a crick in their neck, but after we showed them how to slouch more naturally, that cleared right up."