Category: In the News

Is it illegal to pass gas?

Is it illegal to pass gas?  Usually not, as far as I know, but a man named Jose Cruz found out otherwise.  This week, in South Charleston, West Virginia, Cruz was arrested for driving under the influence (DUI).  When police were trying to get his fingerprints back at the station, he passed gas on an officer.  Here’s what was filed in the official police report:

During processing Ptlm. Cook was taking the defendant’s fingerprints while Ptlm. Parsons was typing data into the Intoximeters 5000 machine.  Ptlm. Parsons was in a chair approx. 4-5 feet away from the fingerprinting station.   The defendant scooted the 4 feet to Ptlm. Parsons, away from officer Cook, and lifted his leg and passed gas loudly on Ptlm. Parsons.   Then defendant then fanned the air with his hand in front of his rear onto Ptlm. Parsons.   The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature with Ptlm. Parsons.

Ironically, he next had to take the breath test, and he couldn’t give a sufficient sample because he was having trouble breathing.  🙂

For doing all that, they charged him with “battery on an officer” and “obstructing an officer”.  I realize no one wants to be farted on, but is it really a criminal offense?   Did the officer think it was chemical warfare?   (Maybe it’s psychological warfare.)  Two days later, police dropped the charges relating to his flatulence.

Although, now that I think about it, the police were just trying to maintain law and odor.  🙂

Butt facial

I’ve just read about a disturbing new trend in spa treatments.
it’s called the ‘butt facial’!  (how’s that for an attention grabber?)
apparently clients pay between $650 and $800 for a one hour treatment.

The price varies, of course, depending on what treatments are done (and likely by how nasty someone’s booty is)

“some treatments for the rear-end focus on cleansing and detoxifying the skin, much like a regular facial. Others use microderm abrasion or micro current therapy to rid the buttocks of cellulite deposits, acne and other skin problems.

“clients …have their derrières cleansed and ex foliated. Then a masque is applied and any waxing, if needed, is done. The treatment ends with a warm paraffin treatment.”

so what do you guys make of this?  butt facials? a facial for your butt?

CRAZY!!!

one article I read mentions that “so far, men haven’t taken to it.”

to that I say “DUH!!!”

you can read a bit more about them here and here

easy cure for gas

Someone forwarded me an e-mail from “Everyday Health”, talking about Digestive Health.   This particular e-mail was called “Easy Cure for Gas”.  (I don’t know why this was sent to me…)   It was written by Dr. Eugene Filiburton of the Massachusetts Institute of Gastrointestinal Disorders and Research Center, Inc.

Troubled by gas pain and bloating?  Try this simple exercise that can be discretely done in your home or office space – even your cube.

Simply lie on your back, knees bent, and press in on your abdomen while exhaling.  For particularly stubborn gas bubbles, it can be helpful to lift your hips with your legs – with your knees still bent – and bounce up and down on your buttocks.   Alternate this bouncing with rolling on your side – first one side, then the other, until you expel significant amounts of gas.

It is important not to clinch your buttocks while doing this exercise as it can precipitate bowel leakage of fluids and fecal matter and, or be very noisy.

If you’re doing this in your cubicle at work, you’d better hope co-workers don’t walk by while you’re lying in the floor and bouncing your butt around.  That doesn’t seem discrete to me.   I reckon you could say you’re doing push-ups or crunches, but they may not believe that.  Plus there’s the issue of potential odor.  You probably don’t want repugnant odors emanating from your cubicle.

If you’re at home, you can just let it rip, instead of doing some exercise to pass gas.

It seems odd to me that clinching your buttocks while doing that bouncing around could lead to leakage.  It seems like clinching would help prevent leakage.   But I don’t know, because I haven’t researched this, nor do I plan to.  If anyone wants to try it and let me know how it works out for them, please leave a comment.

Anyway, now you know how to easily and discretely pass gas, and knowing is half the battle.

a side-effect of sugarless gum

Surely chewing gum is harmless, right?  Recent studies have revealed something unusual about sugarless chewing gum.  The first ingredient in most sugarless gums is a laxative : sweet-tasting sorbitol.  So it helps people who are, well, gummed up.  🙂  Apparently you have to chew a whole pack a day to get the stool-loosening effect.  But if you chew this gum too much each day, it can lead to chronic diarrhea and dangerous weight loss.  And you don’t want that, particularly the chronic diarrhea — that could leave an indelible mark on your daily routine.  But if you’re constipated, perhaps you should try some sugarless gum…