Category: In the News

plastic surgery for the dead

A growing trend in America is people buying plastic surgery for their dead relatives.  Some of the corpses are being treated with drugs like Botox to reduce wrinkles.  Is this the next big waste of money scheme?  This is stupid.

Although, I wonder if these people are afraid their relatives are going to return as zombies.  Perhaps this last-minute plastic surgery will help them look better if they return from the dead.  Because, as you might know, the undead have a history of looking very ugly and deformed.

Although, if zombies start looking like normal alive people, that could be quite dangerous!  This new trend must be stopped!

a fantastic name

A 19-year old British man has officially changed his name to “Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine The Hulk And The Flash Combined”.  His previous name was George Garratt.  He changed his name by deed poll, paying the required fee, so it’s now his real legal name.

That’s kinda cool, although I think I would choose something even better.  His name doesn’t really make sense.  I mean, it’s neat to use superhero names (although the potential for a huge lawsuit just increased), but I think he could’ve come up with something better.

BTW, his grandmother is no longer talking to him.  I reckon the elders would get upset when you refuse to carry on the family name.  I suppose that’s the price you have to pay to be weird / dorky / cool-to-a-few-people.  🙂

While reading up on this, I read of a girl born in Texas in 1984 who has the name of Rhoshandiatellyneshiaunneveshenk Koyaanisquatsiuth Williams.  Yes, that is her actual name.  I wonder how old she was before she could spell it or even pronounce it!

If you were going to change your name, what would you choose?

What happened to the ACORN investigation?

Remember the investigations about the ACORN group during the 2008 Presidential election?  Supposedly they were coercing people to vote for Obama instead of being non-partisan like they’re supposed to be.  And supposedly they were registering people to vote multiple times and also registering people who were already dead.  I haven’t heard anything about this investigation since Obama won the election.  I wonder why…

BTW, I heard that ACORN stands for “Association for Continual Obama Registration Now”.  That sounds about right…

how to prepare for an Obama-nation

Now the 2008 Presidential election is over, and if you didn’t want Barack Hussein Obama to win, it’s too bad for you.  He won, so now we’re stuck with him for 4 years.  (And he’s already hinting at another term, but don’t let that scare you.  That’s still way off in the future, and perhaps the average voter will know him better by then.)

If you’re one of the people who are upset and scared about Obama as President, here’s some ideas on how to handle the situation:

  • Live in denial — That might sound nice, but it’s not realistic.  Society in America is gonna change, and you’re gonna notice.  Be real.  Take it like a man.  America has voted, and Obama is the people’s choice.  Now we’ve buttered our bread, and we have to lie in it.
  • Get out the sackcloth and ashes — You might want to order an extra supply of that for the next few years…  Pray for our nation.  Pray often!
  • Move to another country — I suppose that’s an option, but America is still one of the best countries.  If Obama is going to derail that, it would probably take a few years.  Most of the country isn’t as liberal as he is.  (So, uh, why did he get elected?  Oh, that’s right — deception!)
  • Embrace the change — This one would be difficult, and it might be bad for your mental health.  If you’re against socialism, big government, and far-left ideology, you shouldn’t switch over.  Just stay conservative and/or rational, and vote for someone else in 2012.
  • Pass gas every time someone mentions Obama — That might make you feel better, but the people around you aren’t going to appreciate it.  Well, some might at first, but it could become overwhelming.

Well, I hope this list helps you adjust to life in an Obama-nation.  I’m sure there are other alternatives, but this is a start.  If you have any other ideas, please share them in a comment, so we can all ease in to the massive amounts of CHANGE that Obama promised.