The other day I was walking downtown to a steakhouse, and I saw what looked like a caveman.  He looked quite confused, so I figured we could relate to each other.  So I talked to him for a minute, asking him where he came from.  (Fortunately I am fluent in monosyllabic grunts.)  He explained that, from what he understood, he had been frozen on top of a mountain for a long time and some scientists had just defrosted him.  He broke out of their research facility because he was scared of the strange people and equipment.

The unfrozen caveman looked hungry, so I invited him to join me.  We continued to the steakhouse, where I ordered a big slab of meat for him (for he is not so proficient in modern English).  When the waiter brought us each a salad, he stared at his for a while, appearing to be deep in thought.  I asked him what he was thinking, and he said (via interpolation), "Am I to eat these leafy greens?  Or should I use them to wipe my soiled buttocks?"  I laughed, then explained that people these days seldom say "soiled buttocks".  But then I thought that's a cool phrase, so I'm gonna start saying it every time I get the chance…

~ Thomas Wayne