Tag: history

a twist on presidential fitness

I usually don’t discuss politics much here, but this is a topic that will attempt to be funny and contain facts you probably don’t know. It may also include a political rant or two, so if you can’t stand political criticism, click here to go to a random post or here for a post with an idea for creating a holiday for enjoying life.

President Donald Trump is bringing back the “Presidential Fitness Test”, which sounds like a great idea until you realize (or remember) that this is for schoolchildren. I saw an article suggesting one condition for bringing back the fitness test that requires children to run a mile and do sit-ups and pull-ups. It’s an amusing read: Trump brings back dreaded Presidential Fitness Test. Let’s see him run a mile.

They suggest requiring Trump to take the test and make it a pay-per-view event, which will surely raise a lot of money to help pay down the national debt (which is being increased by Trump’s “big, beautiful bill”). This is a great idea. It’ll never happen, though. Donald Trump tells people how strong and fit he is, because he tries his best to always control the story, the narrative. His mantra on this:

Stick with us. Don’t believe the crap you see from these people, the fake news. … What you’re seeing and what you’re reading is not what’s happening. ~ Donald Trump, 7/25/18

Don’t believe what you see or what others say — just follow him. Hear the propaganda, drink the Kool-Aid… (Not that it ALL is, but there are definitely some lies being told repeatedly to manipulate people.) He tries to craft his own version of reality, and sadly, some of the conservative news networks go along with his fabrications and don’t report the truth.

Anyway, Donald Trump is 79 years old now, and he has never been into fitness. He plays golf — A LOT (24% of his days in office, and we’re paying for it) — but that’s not too athletic. He believes that exercise is misguided, that your life is like a battery and you have a finite amount of energy. Science doesn’t agree with that. Also, if he is against exercise and thinks it makes you die earlier, why is he mandating it for children? (We ask, you decide.)

Now let me share some historical facts about presidents you probably didn’t learn in school:

George Washington was an accomplished collar-and-elbow wrestler. (Some wrestling scholars claim that, during the Revolutionary War, a forty-seven-year-old Washington took down seven Massachusetts militiamen in a row.) Nixon, meanwhile, was a football scrub—“cannon fodder,” a teammate called him. … In his rail-splitting young-lawyer days, Lincoln is said to have gone 300–1 in free-for-all wrestling matches against tough guys across the Midwest. In 1992, he was inducted into the National Wrestling Hall of Fame; some credit him with inventing the choke slam.

John F. Kennedy published an article in Sports Illustrated with a public-fitness challenge of marching fifty miles in twenty hours. That would be averaging 2.5 MPH — a decent walking pace — for twenty hours. Figure in rest breaks, bathroom breaks, eating, and you’d have to be walking rather briskly to meet that. I doubt there are many civilians who could do that. Maybe some marathon runners could, but most adults don’t run at all these days, and many don’t walk more than they have to. Plus, I doubt most Americans could focus that long without getting distracted by their smartphone. (If that sounds crazy, try going just 3 hours without touching your phone — while awake, obviously. Let me know if anyone tries this and how it turns out.)

Teddy Roosevelt was one of the toughest presidents ever. His life is an interesting and inspirational story. He chose to live a strenuous life, because it makes you stronger. He was into boxing, tennis, hiking, rowing, polo, horseback riding, jujutsu, fighting in wars (and actually leading soldiers into battle), climbing mountains, exploring the Amazonian rainforest, etc.

There have been a number of really interesting and accomplished presidents of the United States. Where are the outstanding candidates now? How long has it been since we’ve had a great candidate that you were excited to vote for? Some of them over the last few elections will tell you how great they are and make big promises but not live up to the hype. Surely there are some great leaders out there who would make a great president…

Maybe the next great president is reading this now, thinking they could do better than the recent ones. Maybe it’s you! Is it? Would you make a great president? If so, how so? Would you rule with compassion? Would you defuse tense situations with humor? Would you have your own walk-up music or theme song? Would you dance? Would you build a weather dominator? Would you provide ice cream sandwiches to people in 100 degree heat? Would you tell all Americans about cheese dip? (They really ought to know, because it’s awesome.) Would you tell people that this random blog inspired you to become president? 🙂

building the biggest empire in the world

Some historians say the British Empire was once the largest empire of all time, even larger than the Roman Empire. One of my friends said this was because they drank a lot of tea.

I don’t know if this hypothesis can pass mustard*… [Ed. note: What does mustard have to do with tea?!? Nvm, see the explanation below.] But let’s consider the possibility. (After all, sweet tea is awesome, arguably the best drink out there.)

So if tea gave them so much world-conquering power, what happened? Obviously their empire is not so large now. Well, once their influence spread around the world, everyone knew about the wonders of tea and so there was more balance. I suppose that could explain that part. That’s good enough for me. (Further debate is beyond the scope of this article, but feel free to comment if you have more insight.)

Disclaimer: if you are a student in school, your history teacher may not know about this theory. So ask them about it before putting it as an answer on your homework or tests. If they tell you otherwise, go with their answer. As Bart Simpson once had to write many times on the chalkboard, “I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.” 🙂

* This is an eggcorn**. The saying is supposed to be “pass muster”, which originally referred to a military inspection. I misquoted it on purpose to be funny, but if you don’t know the original, it’s probably not funny. (But it is still random, regardless, so there’s that.)

** I just learned the word eggcorn. How have I not heard of this before? I enjoy occasionally misusing words and phrases (for humorous purposes), so I’ve been using them for years without knowing what they were called. Why didn’t I learn about this in school?*** Anyway, an eggcorn is a misunderstanding or mishearing of a word or phrase. Some common examples are “mute point” for “moot point”, “ice tea” instead of “iced tea”, “I could care less” which means you do care, “intensive purposes” for “intents and purposes”, “escape goat” for “scapegoat”, etc. But sometimes phrases are improved by eggcorns, like “chomping at the bit” instead of “champing at the bit”, and “free reign” instead of “free rein”. (Here’s a link for more about eggcorns.)

*** So I looked up the origins of the word eggcorn, and it was invented in 2003 when someone asked a linguist why some people say “egg corn” instead of “acorn”. He suggested calling that type of word/phrase an eggcorn, and the usage has become proper, with eggcorn being added to the Oxford English Dictionary in 2010. So that’s why I hadn’t heard of it — it hasn’t been around that long. Also, it’s similar to a mondegreen, which usually applies to misheard song lyrics.

So now you know… and knowing is half the battle.

What is figgy pudding?

There are quite a few Christmas carols with unusual lyrics, which many people seem to ignore because it’s tradition to sing them. One of them is “We Wish You A Merry Christmas”, where in later verses, singers demand hearers to “bring me some figgy pudding” and then exclaim, “We won’t go until we get some”. I’m not sure how I’d react to carolers on my front porch demanding me to feed them some obscure food. (I recommend watching the Phineas & Ferb Christmas special, where the wanna-be evil scientist Heinz Doofenshmirtz finds himself in that exact situation. It’s funny.)

I can’t recall ever eating figgy pudding, nor do I know much about it, so I looked it up. There’s more to the story than you probably care about, so here’s a summary:

1) It’s not pudding, and it may not even include figs.
2) Sometimes it includes meat. Or a hard animal fat called suet.
3) Sometimes it is served ON FIRE!
4) It has more in common with a fruitcake than pudding.
5) One historic recipe used 13 ingredients to represent Jesus Christ and the 12 disciples. It included a sprig of holly on top to symbolize the crown of thorns.
6) When people sang that they wanted some and wouldn’t leave, it was likely poor people having fun at the doorsteps of the wealthy. Sometimes wealthy families did hand out money or treats to carolers (although demanding it still seems weird).
7) It sometimes contains alcohol, and can remain edible for a year without refrigeration.
8) It was mentioned in the 1843 book “A Christmas Carol” by Charles Dickens: “Mrs. Cratchit entered — flushed, but smiling proudly — with the pudding, like a speckled cannon-ball, so hard and firm, blazing in half of half-a-quarter of ignited brandy, and bedight with Christmas holly stuck into the top.” (Do any of the movies show this scene with it on fire?)
9) Ingredients can include figs, plums, raisins, currants, oranges, cherries, cranberries, citrus zest and juice, along with notes of cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, ginger, and allspice.
10) It dates back to the 14th century. Initially it was a meal of subsistence, not a dessert. It was made of meat, root vegetables, and dried fruit, stuffed into a sheep stomach and boiled for hours if not days. So basically a pottage, but boiled until firm. It was held together by the flour and dried fruit.

The recipe has changed a lot over the years. Initially it was made with whatever ingredients you had available (which was much less then).

So when you sing, “Bring me some figgy pudding… we won’t go until we get some”, now you know. Personally, I’ll pass. Maybe we need a modernized version of that verse… A modern take could be hot chocolate. If carolers are going to demand some food or beverage in exchange for singing carols outside someone’s house in the cold, hot chocolate makes sense.

a giant straw Christmas goat… ON FIRE!

Have you ever heard of the giant straw Christmas goat? In some parts of the world, it’s a thing.

In Gävle [pronounced “yeah-vleh”], Sweden, they build a giant straw goat for Christmas every year. It’s big — at least 43′ high, up to 49′ some years, and it weighs 3 tons. I don’t know why they do this. One news article said the association of a straw goat with Christmas goes back centuries there, and now some residents don’t even know why. In some stories Christmas elves would ride the Yule goat door to door to deliver gifts to sleeping children. Another site associates this Yule goat with Thor, god of thunder, and sacred trees and fertility. Considering the modern take on Thor from The Avengers, it’s hard to see how a straw goat fits in. (Leave a comment if you can think of anything.)

Just a straw goat by itself is not so special (at least to people not familiar with the traditions), but there’s more to the story. There is a tradition that’s not supposed to be part of the tradition — burning the goat down. They have been building these giant ones since 1966, yet only 16 have survived past beyond Christmas day. I don’t know how the residents there feel about this, so no offense intended toward them, but the burning of it has happened before the internet existed, so it’s probably not just tourists wanting in on the action.

One year some people dressed up as Santa Claus and gingerbread men and they shot flaming arrows at the goat to burn it down. In 2010, someone attempted to bribe a guard so they could steal it with a helicopter, but their offer was rejected. (I’m against stealing, but it would be surreal to see it flying through the air.) One time someone ran into it with a car which made the legs collapse.

The staff here at Buffet o’ Blog have discussed the idea of building our own giant straw goat numerous times. It hasn’t happened yet, but here’s a highlight of a few of the ideas:

  • Have a big one-night festival with it, selling burgers, hot dogs, hot chocolate, memorabilia, etc. Have live bands playing music in exciting styles. Then for the big finale, set the goat on fire for a giant bonfire. Could roast marshmallows and make s’mores. Sell tickets or parking fees to raise money for charity.
  • Make the straw goat over 50 feet tall, to set a new Guinness World Record.
  • Fill the butt of the goat with fireworks and smoke bombs, activated by remote, to start the bonfire. Picture that! It would be a memorable evening for everyone there!
  • In a previous discussion, someone left a comment suggesting the belly of the goat be filled with fireworks and manure, so when the burning is almost done, it will be raining poop and everyone will know to go home. While it’s a creative idea, I am totally against this. That would certainly be memorable, but people would not come back the next year.
  • The idea of our own festival is not to mock the tradition. It would just be fun to have a party and burn a 50-foot straw goat.

If you want to read more of the original discussions years ago, it was here, originally, and more here.

If you have any ideas to make this idea even more random and/or awesome, leave a comment. And if you can think of any connection between Thor and straw goats, share that too.