Tag: gas

easy cure for gas

Someone forwarded me an e-mail from “Everyday Health”, talking about Digestive Health.   This particular e-mail was called “Easy Cure for Gas”.  (I don’t know why this was sent to me…)   It was written by Dr. Eugene Filiburton of the Massachusetts Institute of Gastrointestinal Disorders and Research Center, Inc.

Troubled by gas pain and bloating?  Try this simple exercise that can be discretely done in your home or office space – even your cube.

Simply lie on your back, knees bent, and press in on your abdomen while exhaling.  For particularly stubborn gas bubbles, it can be helpful to lift your hips with your legs – with your knees still bent – and bounce up and down on your buttocks.   Alternate this bouncing with rolling on your side – first one side, then the other, until you expel significant amounts of gas.

It is important not to clinch your buttocks while doing this exercise as it can precipitate bowel leakage of fluids and fecal matter and, or be very noisy.

If you’re doing this in your cubicle at work, you’d better hope co-workers don’t walk by while you’re lying in the floor and bouncing your butt around.  That doesn’t seem discrete to me.   I reckon you could say you’re doing push-ups or crunches, but they may not believe that.  Plus there’s the issue of potential odor.  You probably don’t want repugnant odors emanating from your cubicle.

If you’re at home, you can just let it rip, instead of doing some exercise to pass gas.

It seems odd to me that clinching your buttocks while doing that bouncing around could lead to leakage.  It seems like clinching would help prevent leakage.   But I don’t know, because I haven’t researched this, nor do I plan to.  If anyone wants to try it and let me know how it works out for them, please leave a comment.

Anyway, now you know how to easily and discretely pass gas, and knowing is half the battle.

methane contributes to global warming

There are companies now selling “carbon credits”, making billions of dollars.  But carbon is not the only element contributing to global warming.  Researchers say methane is 23 times more potent than carbon dioxide in trapping heat in the atmosphere.  As we discussed in the last post, cows contribute significantly to global warming via the methane they produce with their flatulence.  But I’m willing to overlook that, because they play an important role in my diet.

However, there are some people who produce an undue amount of methane, way more than normal.  These people are not only polluting the immediate atmosphere, but they are contributing to global warming.  Of course, some of them might get offended if I told them they had to quit passing gas and belching so much, and you could argue that I would be infringing on their rights.  So I’ve found a good solution.  Effective immediately, I will be selling methane credits.  That’s right, for a small fee (paid to me), you can pass gas all you want, and I will plant trees to offset your personal pollution.  (I will also give you plenty of personal space!)

studying gas from cows

In an effort to reduce global warming, scientists are now studying flatulence produced by cows.  This is from an actual news article:

Argentine scientists are taking a novel approach to studying global warming — strapping plastic tanks to the backs of cows to collect their burps and farts. … Scientists at the National Institute of Agricultural Technology in Castelar, Argentina, will analyze the gas collected from cows. Scientists around the world are studying the amount of methane in gas expelled by cows and Argentine researchers have come up with a unique way to collect and analyze it. …

“When we got the first results, we were surprised. Thirty percent of Argentina’s (total greenhouse) emissions could be generated by cows,” said Guillermo Berra, a researcher at the National Institute of Agricultural Technology. Berra said the researchers “never thought” a cow weighing 550 kg (1,210 lb) could produce 800 to 1,000 litres (28 to 35 cubic feet) of emissions each day.

Notice that these scientists are studying and analyzing gas from cows.  How would you like that job?  I bet it stinks to have to do that every day!  (Pun very much intended.)

But maybe these scientists are onto something.  If a cow is producing more than its fair share of methane, then that’s not fair to the rest of us.  Likewise, I know some people who produce more methane than a normal human should.  Perhaps the government should require them to add Beano to their food…

a strange question at a gas station

The other day I walked into a convenience store to get a candy bar, and they asked me, “Do you have gas?”

(Obviously they were talking about purchasing gasoline for my vehicle, or at least I hope so.  It’s somewhat disconcerting when strangers ask about my flatulence status.)