I need a portable incinerator

During a recent discussion on this blog, I suggested that pickles be shot into the sun or at least tossed into a local incinerator.  That got me to wondering if there are any local incinerators open to the public.  Probably not.

So I challenge our Research & Development team to invent a pocket incinerator.  Imagine how handy that would be!  If you have trash while you’re out and about, you just fire up your pocket incinerator and toss the refuse in, and instantly your garbage is vaporized into nothingness.  Then there would be no excuse for littering — and it would be fun to watch things be vaporized.  (I suspect it would be so awesome that people would start grabbing whatever nonessential items are around them, which if at work would include pens, paperclips, staplers, TPS reports, and whatever stuff you think your co-workers really don’t need that much.)

Alternatively, the trash could be teleported to an parallel dimension, but I suspect you’d need a mighty powerful battery to handle that, probably something powered with nuclear power, which you might not want to carry around in your pocket…

caption contest, epic fail at dancing

Last week’s caption contest featured people standing around, so this time let’s have a group of people with something going on.  Although I’m not exactly sure what’s going on — whether it’s dancing or an accident or a prank or what — you get to decide.  So figure out something funny to say about this picture or to explain it.  Remember that you can create your own backstory, even using flashbacks, to setup your humor.  Let your creativity flow.

(To see our other caption contests, click on the “Say What?” category in the sidebar.)

pro golfing gone wrong

I don’t know much about golf, except that you hit the ball into the hole in as few shots as possible.  I am somewhat familiar with the scoring, from video games.  I do know that taking 16 shots on a par 4 is extremely bad for a pro.  (FYI, par is what’s normal/expected.)

Last week a pro golfer named Kevin Na shot a 16 on the ninth hole in the Texas Open, for the second-worst score on a single hole in PGA Tour history.  This is what you would call a debacle.  This video is a summary of it from SportsCenter on ESPN.

Is it bad when your caddy lost count of your score?  And then during the shot summary your caddy says, “You whiffed at 8.”  I understand amateurs swinging and missing, but it’s got to be rare for pros to whiff.

If you want to see how Kevin Na dealt with it between shots, here’s the full telecast of just that one hole.

It’s funny that at 0:47 in the video he says, “What are the chances of me getting out of here?”  He’s likely talking about hitting the ball out of the extreme rough / deep woods.  You don’t want to hear that.  But in the back of his mind he might be wishing for an escape tunnel, so he can get out of there before this makes all the sports highlights for the wrong reasons.  (This did make #1 on ESPN’s “not top ten” plays for the week.)

John Daly holds the record for the highest score on a single hole at a PGA Tour event, with 18.  That was a par 5.  I heard he hit several in the water.  I wouldn’t mind seeing a video clip of that one, but a quick glance online didn’t find it.

I’ve heard there’s a 5 minute limit to find your ball or you’re penalized.  It would’ve been better for Kevin Na if he had never found his ball…

On a related note, a while back we had a caption contest about golf featuring an animal hazard by the green.

caption contest, guy watching professional cleanup crew

Another week, another caption contest.  This week’s photo features an older guy watching what looks like professional cleaners or a HAZMAT team or scientists.  These guys have masks and air tanks, so it looks serious.  Yet the older man doesn’t appear concerned.  So who knows what’s going on?  It’s up to you to write the story behind this picture.  Remember, you can frame the context however you want, so the sky’s the limit.  Have fun!

(To see our other caption contests, click on the “Say What?” category in the sidebar.)