research shows pickles will kill you

We’ve discussed here before the fact that pickles are evil.  We’ve even offered proof, yet some of you stubbornly resist the facts.  Well, here’s further evidence, which I stumbled across recently.

An important scientific study was conducted around 1875, when pickles were starting to gain more acceptance in mainstream society.  Certain intellectual people knew this must be the work of the devil, trying to turn people into evil zombies.  So these smart important scientists conducted some research into the long-term effects of pickles.  There were 5011 people who ate pickles and had their life observed, to see what kind of effects the pickles had.  Much to everyone’s chagrin, all these people DIED!

So there you have it — conclusive proof that IF YOU EAT PICKLES, YOU WILL DIE! That’s just not something you want to mess around with!

Feel free to argue if you must, but facts are facts…

Happy New Year, 2010

Well, a new year is upon us.  So far it feels a lot like last year.  But it’ll be better.  Well, I don’t know that all things will be better, but here at Buffet o’ Blog we have plans to make your experience here better than ever.  And that should be worth something.  🙂

For a few minutes around midnight, when it officially became 2010, I tuned in to the Dick Clark new years countdown special on ABC.  Right after it happened, they went live to a female broadcaster in the middle of Times Square, who gave her first impression of the new year and all the celebrations going on.  Her response?  “I’m crying.  I feel like a little girl.”  Really?  I wonder how much she’s getting paid for that kind of insight…  Not to be critical, but I think I could’ve come up with something better than that… (and I write for free!)

And then there were people singing “Auld Lang Syne”.  I don’t know all the lyrics, but there’s something about “should old acquaintances be forgot and never brought to mind”.  I don’t get it.  Why is there a song about forgetting people?  I mean, if they did something bad to you, then it would be good to forget, but why forget old acquaintances just because it’s a new year?  Maybe I should write a new song for new years, talking about starting the year fresh, with new years resolutions, and planning to keep those resolutions longer than a few weeks this time.  🙂

caption contest, Barack Obama and Rahm Emanuel

Most of the caption contests here use pictures loaded with randomness, but this week I’m going to use a political photo, so we can try to make some political humor.  This photo is of President Barack Obama relaxing, while his Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel is on the phone.  I have no idea what the actual context of this picture is, but who needs context?  We get to make it up, which is what makes it fun!

Just remember to keep the comments funny and clean.  You can make political statements, but make them funny (whether laugh-out-loud or satire or irony).  This isn’t the place for serious long-winded rants about why your preferred political party is great and/or the other party siphons.  (Comments violating this rule may be deleted, per the site’s rules.)   Of course you can reference current political events, or you can make up any context you want.  Have fun with it!

Barack Obama and Rahm Emanuel

(To see the other caption contests, click on the “Say What?” category in the sidebar.)

how to prevent hurricanes

If you know much about weather, you know that mankind does not possess the ability to stop a hurricane.  Hurricanes are kinda like a migraine headache in that regard — unstoppable once it gets going.  In fact, a migraine feels kinda like a hurricane in your head.  Or a tornado.  But I digress.

Anyway, we cannot stop a hurricane once it gets started.  I’ve heard that Hurricane Katrina contained the energy equivalent of 150,000 atomic bombs, and released enough of that energy to power the United States for a year.  Amazing!   If only we could capture a fraction of that power.  But that’s another discussion.  (I almost digressed again…)

satellite photo of Hurricane Jeanne from 2004So obviously the key to stopping a hurricane is to prevent it from forming.  That may sound impossible, and it almost is, but I learned from The Discovery Channel where hurricanes (affecting the U.S.) come from.  The whole process starts from hot, dry air from the Sahara Desert.  Pockets of that hot, dry air get released over the ocean about every three days, and then convection and evaporation and condensation and stuff take place, and hurricanes are formed.  So one possible solution would be to destroy the Sahara Desert.   I know, that sounds crazy, but think about it — the climate of the Sahara is such that its inhabitants have to live elsewhere.  So who would it inconvenience?  It would save a lot of money when we don’t have destructive hurricanes!

I can see some people opposing that plan.  Fortunately there’s another potential way to stop hurricanes.  During the convection process, clouds form and begin to rotate because of the rotation of the Earth.  So obviously if we stopped the Earth’s rotation, that would prevent hurricanes from forming.  However, this plan would have some major side-effects, like perhaps altering gravity, and we might lose the Moon.  I’m sure some other bad things would happen too, so I can see this idea being vetoed.

Perhaps instead of destroying the Sahara Desert, we should just cover it with solar panels to capture the heat.  And since the Sahara Desert is one of the hottest places in the world, this could also reduce global warming, and it would be a clean, green, unlimited, renewable energy solution.  Sounds perfect, right?  That could be quite expensive, which is probably why it hasn’t been done.  But it would produce untold amounts of clean energy, which everyone wants these days.  Since a large up-front investment is needed, you can start sending in donations, and I’ll do this whenever I get enough money, and it’ll be a win-win for everyone.  You can give using various denominations of cash, check, credit card, and bacon.