Does bacon make your sandwich better?

A while back I ate at Applebee’s, and it was before a concert so I was eating a light meal.  I ordered a bacon chicken sandwich, but it failed to have any bacon on it.  Obviously that is unacceptable, so I pointed this out to the waitress, and she took it away and brought it back with bacon.  A few minutes later she came by the table to ask, “Is it better now?”  What kind of question is that?  Of course it’s better with bacon!  What sandwich wouldn’t be?

I didn’t embarrass her about the dumb question.  She probably never realized what she was asking, and it’s her job to make sure that the dining experience is going well.

caption contest, bullfighting, bull landing on head

You might expect a turkey or Thanksgiving themed caption contest, since turkey day is this week, but you won’t get one here this year.  (I didn’t see any funny turkey pictures in my stash and I don’t have time to search for one.)  Instead of a turkey, how about a bull?  Not to eat, but to FIGHT!

This week’s picture involves a bullfighter, but the bull has landed on his head somehow.   Think of some funny way to explain this photo.   Your caption can be from the bullfighter, the bull, the announcers, anyone in the stands, or just an anonymous observation.  It can be a one-liner, a dumb pun, or a short story — it doesn’t matter, as long as it is funny.

(To see our other caption contests, click on the “Say What?” category in the sidebar.)

the junk food diet that works!

Have you heard of the Twinkie diet?  It’s also known as a convenience store diet.   A professor of human nutrition decided to prove that the main cause of weight loss was counting calories, not the nutritional value of the food.  So for two months, he ate a small meal of junk food every three hours.   His meals consisted of Twinkies, Hostess and Little Debbie snacks, Doritos, sugary cereals, and Oreos.  That was two-thirds of his diet — the rest included a daily protein shake, some vegetables, and a multivitamin pill.  His project was a success, in that he lost 27 pounds in two months.

Would deep-fried Oreos fit in this "diet"?

Sounds great, right?  When I heard this, I was thinking, “Where do you sign up for this kind of research?!?”  What made his “diet” effective was that he limited himself to less than 1,800 calories a day.  A man of his size would normally consume 2,600 calories per day.  The key to his “diet” (and any diet) was to consume fewer calories than he burned.   It makes sense.  (That’s my approach, although it looks like I haven’t been eating enough junk food!)

You might assume this his junk food diet would make his health worse, but it actually didn’t.  His “bad” cholesterol (LDL) dropped 20 percent and his “good” cholesterol (HDL) increased by 20 percent.  His level of triglycerides (a measure of body fat) went down by 39 percent.  That’s inconceivable.

So according to his research experiment and the documented results, you can eat Twinkies and Oreos and Doritos every day and become healthier! The numbers don’t lie.

At this link there’s a list of what his typical daily diet would include: Twinkie diet helps professor lose 27 pounds.

I almost hesitate to admit this next part because it might mean that the self-proclaimed “Important Doctor” might actually know something about nutrition and be right, but perhaps there is some validity to the bacon and cheese diet, if used in moderation.  I decided to put that in here because it sounds like some research is in order…  🙂   We also need to add Cheetos and Oreos and ice cream to it.   Then include copious amounts of Southern-style sweet tea, and it would be the most awesome diet ever.

caption contest, car stunt, epic fail

Last week’s caption contest with President Obama yielded some funny comments, but let’s take it up a notch.  How about a caption contest featuring a car making a jump, wrecking spectacularly, with accompanying explosions?  That sounds exciting!  So be it.  Figure out some incredible story to explain this picture, or make a funny joke or pun related to it.  The background is that it’s a car stunt by Spanky Spangler that happened during Evel Knievel Days in Butte, Montana, but your explanation doesn’t have to fit with what actually happened.  Get creative.  Think about how this scenario could somehow fit in with everyday life.  Maybe it’s not part of everyday life for you, but imagine how it could be…

(To see our other caption contests, click on the “Say What?” category in the sidebar.)