Warning : May contain more than your daily recommended allowance of randomness
My wife decided she wanted Christmas lights on the outside of the house this year. She’s been bugging me for weeks to put some up, so I finally did. But now that I did, she won’t talk to me. Women are just so hard to please!
It’s been about a year since I got laid-off from my job at a cubicle farm (or, as known to some, a large IT corporation). I recently realized that I haven’t got sick in any way since then — no cold or flu, no stomach virus, nothing of that sort. So obviously that means it was the company that was making me get sick.
Just thought I’d let you know, in case you also get inexplicably sick once in a while. Perhaps you’re also allergic to cubicle farms…
I’ve been watching some of the Olympics, and while I’m no expert in diving, I have learned that it’s best to have a small splash, if you want a high score. But if I was one of the last divers, and my score was already too low to win, I’d do a cannonball and try to splash the judges. I might not get a lot of points, but I’d be on highlight clips all around the world. I might could even get to tour the talk-show circuit for doing something so crazy.
Actually, according to the website Future Update, which reports the news of the year 2028 (through the miracles of time travel), synchronized belly flops will be an Olympic sport in 2028. If so, I’m going to enter and win! I’m already good at that, and I wouldn’t have to practice much, except maybe gain a few more pounds…
I’ve got another personal tidbit that goes along the lines of the last post. I’ve told people that I have rock-hard, “six-pack” abs underneath a layer of fat, and I’ve received the strangest looks of disbelief. For whatever reason, some people find it inconceivable that I have all these tight muscles on my abs. I suppose these people have to see to believe (but blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe!).
Well, now I have proof. (No, the picture is not of me. Please continue reading to understand why.) Perhaps you’ve seen those TV commercials where they’re selling some weight-loss pill or diet plan. They’re on all the time, so you’ve probably seen them. Next time one comes on, look carefully at the before and after pictures. From just losing weight, these people went from having a pudgy midsection to having well-defined, muscular abs. And this is just from following some diet. (Surely they wouldn’t be misleading people. I mean, if it’s on TV, it must be true!)
So now you know. It works the same way with me. If I were to drop a few extra pounds, you could see my washboard abs. You may be wondering why I don’t just lose the weight and look like that. Well, it’s pretty simple, really. I like to eat, plus I’m not into all that vanity and stuff. Besides, I’ve got plenty of natural charm and charisma for impressing the ladies. If I were to bring my body up to its full potential, that might be too much awesome for one person. Then my friends might get jealous, and I really wouldn’t want to cause them to stumble. So I keep my muscles in disguise. The strength is there for when it’s necessary. And I have nothing to prove.
Buffet o' Blog 