Tag: funny

I have a dinosaur in my backyard

It’s true! I saw a real-life living dinosaur, and it was starting to build a nest where I didn’t want one, so I confronted it and scared it away! I battled a dinosaur and lived to tell the tale! Afterward, it glared at me in seething anger, but I glared back, and it chose to retreat to the neighbor’s yard, so I let it go. I actually defeated a dinosaur! (Yeah, there’s a lot of things you don’t know about me!)

This isn’t my backyard. It would be neat if it was, but mine is somewhat less dramatic, with much smaller dinosaurs. Mine also has considerably less mountains.

So how can I say this and claim it’s true? Do you think this is some embellished memoir? Well, according to some scientist, it’s true. Check this quote out:

“Today’s birds evolved from dinosaurs, which makes them every bit as much of a dinosaur as T. rex or Triceratops.” ~ Steve Brusatte, paleontologist

I suppose someone could make that argument, but it still sounds silly. Granted, I’m no paleontologist nor an ornithologist, so I didn’t have any voice in debating what to call them. But still, I have a voice, and I’m writing in my corner of the internet on a blog that’s had over a million pageviews, so I have some reach, and I’ll share my opinion anyway. (Always glad to share my ignorance. I’ve got plenty.) Maybe it would be better to just say modern birds descended from dinosaurs. (I still don’t know that that’s true, but it sounds better.) It just sounds wrong to say that I have dinosaurs in my backyard… And it takes away from the mystique of dinosaurs.

But if you want to play along with that thinking, you can tell people you have a dinosaur in your backyard. Or that you’re stronger than a dinosaur. Or that you’ve killed a dinosaur. Or that you’ve eaten a dinosaur. It could be a fun conversation piece. Try it (with people who appreciate humor).

stinky wordplay

This is not quite how it happened, but an unreasonable facsimile thereof.

One day I was driving my kids around town (as I am apt to do), and a traffic scenario required deft reflexes. The kids enjoy being slung around in their car seats, so they laughed. When they asked what happened, I told them it was an “evasive maneuver”. They weren’t familiar with that term and were being silly, so they interpreted that as “invasive manure” and started saying that. It was funny. That’s one of those word combinations that I’ve never heard before. It might’ve been said at some point in history by someone*, but I’m not aware (and I’m not putting that in my Google search because I don’t want news articles about manure, nor do I want to know anything about such things — some rabbit holes aren’t worth going down, particularly ones filled with invasive manure). 🙂

* It’s amusing (to me, at least) when I hear a phrase that has possibly never been said before. Such events are rare, but with kids they do happen sometimes if you’re paying attention.

What is figgy pudding?

There are quite a few Christmas carols with unusual lyrics, which many people seem to ignore because it’s tradition to sing them. One of them is “We Wish You A Merry Christmas”, where in later verses, singers demand hearers to “bring me some figgy pudding” and then exclaim, “We won’t go until we get some”. I’m not sure how I’d react to carolers on my front porch demanding me to feed them some obscure food. (I recommend watching the Phineas & Ferb Christmas special, where the wanna-be evil scientist Heinz Doofenshmirtz finds himself in that exact situation. It’s funny.)

I can’t recall ever eating figgy pudding, nor do I know much about it, so I looked it up. There’s more to the story than you probably care about, so here’s a summary:

1) It’s not pudding, and it may not even include figs.
2) Sometimes it includes meat. Or a hard animal fat called suet.
3) Sometimes it is served ON FIRE!
4) It has more in common with a fruitcake than pudding.
5) One historic recipe used 13 ingredients to represent Jesus Christ and the 12 disciples. It included a sprig of holly on top to symbolize the crown of thorns.
6) When people sang that they wanted some and wouldn’t leave, it was likely poor people having fun at the doorsteps of the wealthy. Sometimes wealthy families did hand out money or treats to carolers (although demanding it still seems weird).
7) It sometimes contains alcohol, and can remain edible for a year without refrigeration.
8) It was mentioned in the 1843 book “A Christmas Carol” by Charles Dickens: “Mrs. Cratchit entered — flushed, but smiling proudly — with the pudding, like a speckled cannon-ball, so hard and firm, blazing in half of half-a-quarter of ignited brandy, and bedight with Christmas holly stuck into the top.” (Do any of the movies show this scene with it on fire?)
9) Ingredients can include figs, plums, raisins, currants, oranges, cherries, cranberries, citrus zest and juice, along with notes of cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, ginger, and allspice.
10) It dates back to the 14th century. Initially it was a meal of subsistence, not a dessert. It was made of meat, root vegetables, and dried fruit, stuffed into a sheep stomach and boiled for hours if not days. So basically a pottage, but boiled until firm. It was held together by the flour and dried fruit.

The recipe has changed a lot over the years. Initially it was made with whatever ingredients you had available (which was much less then).

So when you sing, “Bring me some figgy pudding… we won’t go until we get some”, now you know. Personally, I’ll pass. Maybe we need a modernized version of that verse… A modern take could be hot chocolate. If carolers are going to demand some food or beverage in exchange for singing carols outside someone’s house in the cold, hot chocolate makes sense.

funny costumes, pt. 5

It’s that time again… So here’s more funny / innovative / impressive Halloween costumes.

Sure, you can make your own cosplay costume. Making it look realistic is a lot harder than you might think.
When you create your own costume, it’s good to get a second opinion. It shouldn’t look like you’re wearing a diaper…
Even Sauron gets sweet cravings… Just don’t mess up his order!
I don’t know what happened here…
Some things shouldn’t be supersized… this is scary!
This is high quality! The attention to detail is impressive. This took either a lot of time or money. It’s almost too good for trick-or-treating — this should be at a comic-con cosplay contest.

If you want to see more,
we’ve made several other posts of funny costumes (click to search).