quotes from cartoons, pt. 3

Today we’ll continue our series of quotes from cartoons.  I hope you’re enjoying this as much as I am.  These bring back so many great memories, besides making me laugh.  And laughing is fun — you should never forget that.  Plus it’s healthy — laughter does good like medicine, some say.  Now with the preliminary intro paragraph written, let’s get to the actual quotes :

I am merely a vessel through which genius flows. ~ Homer Simpson

I didn’t do it, nobody saw me do it, you can’t prove anything. ~ Bart Simpson

Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad.  And I’m tired of making other people feel good about themselves. ~ Homer Simpson

You want the truth?  You can’t handle the truth.  No truth-handler, you.  I deride your truth-handling abilities. ~ Sideshow Bob, from The Simpsons

The three little sentences that will get you through life:
1- Cover for me.
2- Oh, good idea, Boss!
3- It was like that when I got here. ~ Homer Simpson

Aww… isn’t that cute… BUT IT’S WRONG!!! ~ from 2 Stupid Dogs

We all make mistakes; just make that your last. ~ Space Ghost

I hate oatmeal cookies, they make me go. ~ Moltar

Bjork: I have to go to the toilet.
Space Ghost: You do remember the difference between the toilet and the sofa, right?
Bjork: I think so.
Space Ghost: And remember how angry I got…
Bjork: It smells like… bad eggs…
Space Ghost: Well, that’s what happens when you boil the cushions of the couch you’ve been urinating on.
~ Space Ghost Coast to Coast

Meltdown is just a buzzword.  We call it unrequested fission surplus. ~ Mr. Burns, on the Simpsons

Rocky: We’ve got to THINK!
Bullwinkle: This is no time to take up a new hobby.

That makes me very angry. ~ Droopy

I’m a rambling idiot, rambling everywhere; I’m a rambling idiot, in my underwear. ~ Brak

Say yer prayers, ya flea-bitten’ varmint. ~ Yosemite Sam

You realize, of course, that this means war. ~ Bugs Bunny

Nothing spoils the taste of peanut butter quite like unrequited love. ~ Charlie Brown

On the moon, the weekend has advanced beyond your wildest dreams.  Weekends now take up the entire week, and jobs have been phased out accordingly. ~ Inignot, from Aqua Teen Hunger Force

One egg left!  For a nutritious breakfast, two eggs is the minimum requirement, and I have but one, which is much less than two, and it is two that I need.  Curses!  I must immediately purchase some eggs, for I need to have breakfast, and without the eggs, I cannot have the breakfast that I so require! ~ Mojo Jojo

Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery. ~ Calvin

It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what’s cool. ~ Calvin

Don’t you hate it when your boogers freeze? ~ Calvin

As a math atheist, I should be excused from this. ~ Calvin

The sky turns red as the sun sets because all the oxygen in the atmosphere is catching fire.  The sun sets in the west.  In Arizona actually, near Flagstaff.  That’s why the rocks there are so red.  People don’t get burned up because the sun goes out as it sets.  That’s why it’s dark at night.  The sun doesn’t crush the whole state when it lands.  Hold a quarter up.  See, the sun’s just about the same size. ~ Calvin’s dad

Me Grimlock no nice Dino, me bash brains. ~ Grimlock, The Transformers

Megatron: I would have waited an eternity for this.  It’s over Prime. ~ Transformers, The Movie

Quintesson: You are the Autobot called Kup.  You are Cybertron’s chief of security.
Kup: Nah, my name’s Teaspoon, and I’m Cybertron’s chief dishwasher.
~ Transformers

You know gang, when you’re a superhero, you never know where the day will take you.  You may find yourself halfway around the world in the shark-infested waters of true-to-life living.  Or you may find yourself going down to the store for a lozenge.  You can’t know, can you?  No!  You gotta ride that wave, you gotta suck that lozenge!  ‘Cause if you don’t, who will? ~ The Tick

I don’t know the meaning of the word surrender!  I mean, I know it, I’m not dumb… just not in this context. ~ The Tick

I have no respect for a man who draws a weapon on one who has none. ~ Rurouni Kenshin

Space.  It seems to go on and on forever.  But then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you. ~ Fry, from Futurama

A good captain needs abilities like boldness, daring and a good velour uniform. ~ Captain Zapp Brannigan, from Futurama

Who are you, and why should I care? ~ Bender, from Futurama

Cubert J. Farnsworth: Your explanations are pure weapons grade balognium.  It’s all impossible.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Nothing is impossible.  Not if you can imagine it.  That’s what being is a scientist is all about.
~ from Futurama

“I think you’re feeling the Christmas Spirit, Skeletor.  It makes you feel good.”
“Well, I don’t like to feel good!  I like to feel evil!  Ohhh!”
“Don’t worry, Skeletor…  Christmas only comes once a year.”
~ He-Man, Skeletor, and She-Ra in the He-Man and She-Ra Christmas Special

Mall Santa: Ho ho ho!  And what can I bring you?
Stewie Griffin: Oh, a peace offering, is it?  Very well…  What say you trim those gin-soaked whiskers and bring me some plutonium?
Mall Santa: Well, can you be a good boy, hmmm?
Stewie Griffin: Your inquiry intrigues me.  Can any of us be a “good boy?”  Are our primal urges innate or the result of the choices we make?
Mall Santa: OK, wrap it up, kid.
Stewie Griffin: All right, Kringle, if the reward is plutonium, then your wager is accepted.  I will be…”nice”.
~ Family Guy

Here’s a link to bring up the other posts in the series.  It’s all good…  🙂

quotes from cartoons, pt. 2

It’s time for part 2 of our tribute to cartoons.  We’ll use the same format as part 1.  Your side of the deal is to just sit back and enjoy.  If you want to do a little more, say the quote “in character”, and/or try to figure out which episode these were from.  Either way, just make sure you have a good time.  All the shows referenced by these quotes are funny.  (If you don’t enjoy cartoons, there’s something wrong.  You need to loosen up and try to enjoy life.  Do you get offended easily?  Perhaps you need to laugh more.  Laughing is good for your health — it’s like jogging on the inside.  So put aside your way-too-serious demeanor and enjoy the randomness presented here for you.)  With all that out of the way, let us begin :

It’s a beautiful day, but not as beautiful as me. ~ Johnny Bravo

Superheroes and evil twins go together like peanut butter and… EVIL peanut butter! ~ Earthworm Jim

I anything can’t do right since because pickles. ~ Spongebob Squarepants

[LASSIE: Bark! Bark!] “What is it, girl? [LASSIE: Bark!] There’s trouble at the ranch? [LASSIE: Bark!] Hmmm… trouble at the farm. [LASSIE: Bark!] You say Brak was bitten by a rattlesnake? [LASSIE: Bark!] Where is he, girl? [LASSIE: Bark!] He’s at old man Tibby’s farm? [LASSIE: Bark!] Farms have chickens. Corn! Let’s ride!” (Flies off) ~ Space Ghost

You know love is a happy time. All throughout the universe. It’s when the male part of the species goes to the female part of the species and says: “Hey, do you want to go on a date?” And then she would say: “Why yes, I’d like to go on a date.” If you’re LUCKY! And then you go to a restaurant, and she gets something called a salad. And then he gets a big piece of beef, that he eats. And that to me ladies and gentlemen, is LOVE. Kinda makes you cry, doesn’t it? ~ Brak

Hey you kids, get out of my moat, it was not meant to be played in. I must remember to destroy those kids after my breakfast has been eaten. ~ Mojo Jojo

It’s been brought to my attention that you’re not using both sides of the toilet paper. You’re wasting a ply. ~ Phil Ken Sebben, on Harvey Birdman

Ya know what? I’m happy. ~ Droopy

Yeah? Well, I talk LOUDLY and I carry a bigger stick. And I use it, too! WHAM! ~ Yosemite Sam, on foreign policy

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don’t realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. ~ Calvin

You know what I like to do when someone’s talking to me? I stare at the person’s chin. I’ll nod and respond to whatever he’s saying, but I keep looking at his chin and changing my expression. I look quizzical at first, then vaguely repulsed, and later, quietly amused. Then I’ll suddenly arch my eyebrows and blink a lot, and then I look skeptical and disbelieving. You get bonus points every time the person loses his train of thought. ~ Calvin & Hobbes

People pay more attention to you when they think you’re up to something. ~ Calvin

I don’t think Bambi Eyes will get you that flame thrower… ~ Hobbes

Boy, everyone is stupid except me. ~ Homer Simpson

Marge, the reason we have elected officials is so we don’t have to think! ~ Homer Simpson

Beans are neither fruit nor musical. ~ Bart Simpson, on the blackboard at school

It’s gonna take a lot of fireworks to clean this place up. ~ Homer Simpson, from The Simpsons

I am Adam. Prince of Eternia and keeper of the secrets of Castle Greyskull. This is Cringer… my fearless friend. Fabulous secret powers were revealed to me the day I held aloft my magic sword and said… By the power of Greyskull! ~ Prince Adam (a.k.a. He-Man)

Wreck-Gar: Yes friends, act now, destroy Unicron. Kill the Grand Poobah. Eliminate even the toughest stain! ~ Transformers, The Movie

No force in the universe can stop me. ~ Optimus Prime, Transformers

And so, may evil beware and may good dress warmly and eat lots of fresh vegetables. ~ The Tick

Life is a big wild crazy tossed salad, but you don’t eat it, no sir! You live it! Isn’t it great? ~ The Tick

I am mighty! I have a glow you cannot see. I have a heart as big as the moon, as warm as bathwater. We’re superheroes, man! We don’t have time to be charming! The boots of evil were made for walking. We’re watching the big picture, friend. We know the score. We are a public service, not glamour boys! Not captains of industry! Not makers of things! Keep your vulgar moneys. We are a justice sandwich, no toppings necessary! Living rooms of America, do you catch my drift? Do you… dig? ~ The Tick

The comments section is now open, if you want to share any memories or other thoughts inspired by these great cartoons.

quotes from cartoons, pt. 1

Greetings, citizen…

Today’s post is dedicated to cartoons.  Chances are if you enjoy this site, you enjoy cartoons.  And likewise, counter-clockwise, and conversely, too — if you enjoy watching cartoons, you probably enjoy the randomness that is this site.  If you don’t like cartoons, then you might be lacking a healthy sense of humor.  (But we won’t hold that against you… just start watching cartoons before it’s too late.)

Today’s tribute will consist of quotes from cartoons.  Our resident quotesmith has served up a very assorted batch of great quotes from cartoons.  Some of these may make you laugh directly, while others may lead you into good memories of great cartoons.  Either way, sit back and enjoy.  (BTW, if you can remember the particular episode or instance of any of these, you get extra coolness points.)  (Also, if you say these outloud and in-character, it’s even more fun!)

I have many super powers and a colossal bulk that frightens evil villains! ~ Space Ghost

Mankind has always dreamed of destroying the sun. ~ Mr. Burns, on the Simpsons

I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today. ~ Wimpy, on Popeye

I, Mojo Jojo, will destroy the Powerpuff Girls!  And when they have been destroyed they will be defeated, and I will have defeated them, and I will have won!  And then I will rule the world, because no-one will be able to stop me, and the world will be ruled by me, Mojo Jojo, who will be the only ruler! ~ Mojo Jojo

Calvin: Another gorgeous brisk fall day.  What a waste to be going to school on a morning like this.
Hobbes: What would you do if you could stay home this morning?
Calvin: Sleep right through it.

The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy. ~ Bart Simpson, writing 500 times on the board

Kids, just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I’m not listening. ~ Homer Simpson

(You have the right to remain silent)  “I choose to waive that right.  Aaaaaaah!” ~ Homer Simpson

He don’t know me very well, do he? ~ Bugs Bunny

Optimus Prime: One shall stand, one shall fall!
Megatron: Why throw away your life so recklessly?
Optimus Prime: That’s a question you should ask yourself, Megatron!
~ Transformers, The Movie

Quintesson: Silence, or you’ll be held in contempt of this court!
Hot Rod: I have nothing but contempt for this court!
~ Transformers, The Movie

You know, evil comes in many forms, be it a man-eating cow or Joseph Stalin.  But you can’t let the package hide the pudding.  Evil is just plain bad!  You don’t cotton to it!  You gotta smack it on the nose with the rolled up newspaper of goodness!  Bad dog!  Bad dog! ~ The Tick

There’s so many that I will have to break this up into multiple posts.  So stay tuned for more cartoony goodness.  In the meantime, feel free to share your memories and opinions in the comments section.

viewer mail, issue #8

It’s time for another installment of viewer mail.  As we did in the previous issues, we will take actual search terms that people found this site with, then we will provide advice, answers, or just more information concerning these topics.  (FYI, we are closer to having a form where you can submit your own questions, but our webmaster is just too busy with all his stuff to get it finished.  Hopefully soon, though.)  Let us get started.

  • dumb comments — Oh, is this the site for you!  We specialize in dumb comments here.  We’re like discount dumb comments warehouse.  But that’s not to imply that any of our readers are dumb — not at all.  Some of our readers are among the smartest you’ll find in these here parts.  Yet they are able to simulate dumbness.  (I call that artificial stupidity.)  However, a few readers here are, um, a few fries short of a Happy Meal.  But I’m not saying who.  🙂  Either way, if you want to read dumb comments, this is the place.  Have a look around. It’s a good time.
  • the secret is discovered — Hmm, are you wondering if “the secret” has been discovered or is this a message saying “the secret” has already been discovered?  If the latter, then you’re in big trouble!  Since it was a secret, obviously the multitudes are not supposed to know.  And if you’re talking about “the secret”, well, you better hope it’s not out!  I’ve heard there’s some bad consequences awaiting the one who lets the proverbial cat out of the bag before its due time.
  • incompetent cream — This is similar to “the clear” cream that some professional athletes take, except it’s the opposite.  I think it’s what most politicians take.  Since they don’t need steroids for athletic ability, they apply this incompetent cream, which does what you would expect.  🙂
  • sleep recovering from daylight savings — It’s widely known that people don’t like losing an hour of sleep due to Daylight Savings Time in the spring.  In a recent article we proposed a solution for this.
  • chuck norris vs the a-team — While Chuck Norris vs Mr. T would be a great fight, I doubt even he could take on the whole A-Team.  I’m not sure Chuck could beat Mr. T by himself, but adding Hannibal, Face, and Murdoch would be too much.  Nonetheless, I wish he could’ve been on the show one time as the bad guy, although I suspect that might be too much awesomeness for one show.
  • fart into phone conference call during — This came up during our discussion on the best way to get fired.  If you’re at a computer with speakers, there’s a lot of interesting sound effects that would liven up a boring conference call at work.  It’s best if you’re working from home that day, so no one knows who it is.
  • i want to know about salads — I can help you with this.  Fortunately for you, salads aren’t that complicated.  They usually consist of lettuce plus with some garden-variety vegetables, topped with a salad dressing such as Ranch or Thousand Island.  As you might have surmised already, this isn’t very exciting.  However, some places will allow you to create your own salads from a salad bar, and that’s a much better option.  The best place I’ve found for this is Riverfront Steakhouse, which has what might be the best steak in central Arkansas, along with the best salad bar I’ve ever seen.  It has all the normal stuff, plus shrimp and real bacon (which go really well together).  Anytime you can add some cooked dead animals to your salad, it’s going to be better.
  • don’t you hate when your boogers freeze — My personal research in this area has shown that it’s best to go inside before you get that cold.  (I imagine you’re referencing the quote by Calvin, which we included in part 3 of our quotes from cartoons series.)
  • how to make hot rod transformer costume — If you make one and wear it, all the guys will be amazed and the women will think you’re a nerd.  That said, you should still go for it.  Be yourself.  Don’t let women keep you from being who you want to be.  I’ve seen a few videos about making your own Transformers costume before, and I still have the links for them.  The first one is way cool, but you have to have help transforming : Hot Rod.  Here’s a generic one, where he changes from a robot to a car.  And here’s a video with a few that you will know, like Optimus Prime, Starscream, and a Constructicon.

That’s it for today.  Feel free to discuss these topics further in the comments section.