quotes from cartoons, pt. 5

Once again it’s been a couple of months since our last installment of quotes from cartoons.  Well, I’m not gonna just sit around and do nothing (as tempting as that may sound).  I’m going to post another issue in our series.  Enjoy…

Welcome back, stupid viewers!  You’ll watch anything!  Go ahead, change the channel.  You’ll be back! ~ Space Ghost

Ex-cellent… ~ Mr. burns, on the Simpsons  (Editor’s note: I realize it’s a one-word quote, which isn’t much of a quote, but the way he says it is classic.)

My boloney has a first name, it’s H-O-M-E-R, my boloney has a second name, it’s H-O-M-E-R… ~ Homer Simpson

AHHH… Donuts… What can’t they do. ~ Homer Simpson

Going cold turkey isn’t as delicious as it sounds. ~ Homer Simpson

Spitwads are not free speech. ~ Bart Simpson, writing 500 times on the board

My polite indignation knows no bounds! ~ Apu, from The Simpsons

Psst… Hey Guido.  It’s all so clear to me now.  I’m the keeper of the cheese, and you’re the lemon merchant, get it?  And he knows it!  That’s why he’s gonna kill us! ~ Ren Hoek, from Ren & Stimpy

Stimpy: I know how you can be important.  I know how you can be really important.
Ren: Really?  How?
Stimpy: You can be the president… of my fan club!
Ren: President?  Wow!  President.
[Ren imagines he’s the President of the United States]
Ren: [Screaming on the phone] What do you mean you don’t agree with me?  Do you know who you’re dealing with?
[Pushes “The Button”; A loud explosion blows up a chunk of the world; Ren laughs maniacally]
Ren: [Back to reality] I’ll do it!
~ Ren & Stimpy

Thou doth possess a great wealth of ignorance. ~ Ren & Stimpy

I am ze locksmith of love, no? ~ Pepe Le Pew

Ain’t I a stinker? ~ Bugs Bunny

Happy, Happy.  Joy, Joy. ~ Ren & Stimpy

Monopoly is more fun when you make your own Chance cards. ~ Calvin

You know Einstein got really terrible grades?  Well, mine are even worse! ~ Calvin

You know Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don’t help. ~ Calvin

I have looked in so many places that I am sure I am closer to its being found than it being lost. ~ Winnie the Pooh

The key to finding something is to look where it is. ~ Tigger

Unicron: I have summoned you here for a purpose.
Megatron: Nobody summons Megatron!
Unicron: Then it pleases me to be the first.
~ Transformers, The Movie

There will be no war today, Optimus Prime.  You have earned Galvatron’s respect. ~ Galvatron, Transformers

Yes, destiny has her hand on my back, and she’s pushing! ~ The Tick

So, Arthur, once again we find that you can’t disguise the foul taste of evil with artificial or even natural sweeteners.  The recipe for goodness is ever-elusive.  But here’s a little tip.  When a nice, clean brain tumbles to the dirty street, to lie among the discarded wrappers and spat-out gumwads of wickedness, you can’t just pick it up and wash it off.  You gotta THINK it clean from the inside out. ~ The Tick

By the power of Greyskull… I have the power! ~ He-Man

Kittens give Morbo gas. ~ Morbo, from Futurama

I’m never gonna get used to the 31st century.  Caffineated bacon?  Baconated grapefruit?  ADMIRAL Crunch? ~ Fry, from Futurama

Cubert J. Farnsworth: I understand how the engines work now.  It came to me in a dream.  The engines don’t move the ship across the universe.  The ship stays in place and the engines move the universe around it.
Bender: That’s a complete load!
Cubert J. Farnsworth: Nothing’s a complete load!  Not if you can imagine it.  That’s what being a scientist is all about.
~ from Futurama

I have no idea how to be black… you know, except for not smiling when I get my picture taken. ~ Peter, Family Guy

Brain : I shall pollute the water supply with this DNAdefibuliser, turning everyone into mindless slaves.
Pinky : What about the people who drink bottled water?
Brain : Pinky, people who pay 5 dollars for a bottle of water are already mindless slaves.

If you’ve seen at least one episode from each of the cartoons referenced above, then you’re on your way to becoming a well-rounded individual.  If there’s some you haven’t seen, then you should start catching up.  Cartoons are great.

Here’s the link to the other entries in our quotes from cartoons series.

zombies, stew, cartoons, work, and nachos

Does the subject line intrigue you?  Are you wondering how I can work all that into a single post?  Well, hang on for the ride into randomness.  🙂

Earlier today I was searching through my e-mail archives for something, and came across this e-mail between Thomas Wayne and Mango-Man from back in 2001 :

Graveyards are peaceful… except when it’s late at night, like around midnight, and you can barely see, and you hear these groaning noises but can’t see anyone, then you feel this hand on your shoulder, and it’s all covered w/hair & warts, and you scream AHHHHH! and run away as fast as you can, dodging open holes reserved for caskets, all the while these people are chasing you, and their clothes are all tattered & torn, and they’re limping but somehow they keep up w/you, and you keep running but you never get to the end of the graveyard, even though it’s not that big…  well, maybe that’s just on TV… oh, wait, the TV’s off… ~ Thomas Wayne

and then there was that time… that you decided you were smarter than that wile e. coyote… & you think you CAN catch that old road runner … so you set a trap so that when he opens the door an anvil falls on his head… but after you spring the trap and catch the roadrunner you realize that its not really the roadrunner after all, but your older brother and he don’t think it’s funny.  in fact he’s pretty ticked off… and is screaming about all the terrible things he’s gonna do to ya… but that’s okay… because he’s tied up in a big ole pot full of water and carrots & tators… i mean, after all… what’s he gonna do??? ~ Mango-Man

Well, that was certainly random…  It sounds like they were working too much and/or had been watching too many cartoons.  Although, is it possible to watch too many cartoons?  That might be debatable.  But I know for a fact that it’s possible to work too much.  My personal “research” has proven that without doubt.  These things must be kept in balance.  I need to work less and watch more cartoons.  Or even better — find a job where my work is to watch cartoons… and eat nachos… and drink unlimited amounts of sweet tea.  If only I could figure out how to get paid for that…

quotes from cartoons, pt. 4

Somehow it’s been close to two months since our last installment of quotes from cartoons.  How did that happen?!?  I have been WAY too busy with work and stuff.  Well, there’s no time like the present, they say (but a couple of minutes ago probably bore a “striking” similarity).  Here’s some more quotes from various cartoons, which should bring back some good memories.  (If not, then you need to start watching cartoons and making those memories!)  Remember that saying them out loud in character and context (if you know it) makes it even more fun, especially if you’re in a public place and there’s people around.  Now let’s get to the quotes.  It’s in the same format as last time : I ramble on for a paragraph, then list a bunch of funny quotes.  🙂  Here goes…

Hey buddy!  Hey buddy!  Heeeeeeey BUDDY!  What do ya know? ~ Brak

I have a giant brain that is able to reduce any complex machine into a simple yes or no answer. ~ Space Ghost

Maybe next time you keep your stinkiness to yourself. ~ Ren, on Ren & Stimpy

Cosgrove: Hey Freakazoid, wanna go see a bear ride a motorcycle?
Freakazoid: DO I?!?

I don’t need no instruction manual to know how to ROCK! ~ Carl, Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Woah, you consarn, ijit varmint! ~ Yosemite Sam

I’m overlookin’ a three leaf clover that I overlooked be-three. ~ Bugs Bunny, singing

I am Mojo Jojo.  People shall call me Mojo Jojo.  And it is I, Mojo Jojo, whom they shall be addressing when using the name, Mojo Jojo. ~ Mojo Jojo

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, “Where have I gone wrong?”  Then a voice says to me, “This is going to take more than one night.” ~ Charlie Brown, Peanuts

Mom wouldn’t care about these things if she wouldn’t keep finding out about them. ~ Calvin & Hobbes

Calvin: I’m a genius, but I’m a misunderstood genius.
Hobbes: What’s misunderstood about you?
Calvin: Nobody thinks I’m a genius.

Are you losing your hearing or are you just stupid? ~ Homer Simpson

In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics. ~ Homer Simpson

What’s done is done.  I’ve made my bed and now… I have to weasel out of it. ~ Bart Simpson

It’s not how you play; it’s how you win. ~ Dr. Freeze, Superfriends

I am your infant overlord.  Surrender now or I’ll poop on your lap. ~ Stewie Griffin, from Family Guy

Me Grimlock here to save universe. ~ Grimlock, The Transformers

Optimus Prime: Megatron must be stopped… no matter the cost! ~ Transformers, The Movie

The Lost Diamond of Disappearance, Skeletor must have found it. ~ He-man

Greetings Chum! I am the Tick, nigh-invulnerable superhero charged with defending “The City” against evil.  Along with my sidekick, Arthur, and my pet dog… err… rodent Speak, I stop the most diabolical criminal masterminds from carrying out their fiendish plots. ~ The Tick

Rugged, self-assured, adult… these are the words that describe the man who wears a mustache. ~ The Tick

So… humans have easily injured knees.  My race will find this information very useful indeed.  Muwahahahaha! ~ Morbo, from Futurama

“Well,” said Pooh, “what I like best–“, and then he had to stop and think.  Because although eating honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn’t know what it was called.

So now welcome our keynote speaker, Professor Melvin Fenwick — the man who, back in 1952, first coined the now-famous phrase: “Fools!  I’ll destroy them all!” ~ The Mad Scientists Convention, “The Far Side”

Blackmail is such an ugly word.  I prefer “extortion”.  The “X” makes it sound cool. ~ Bender, from Futurama

Leela, enough. Our love has constantly been tested by your hatred, and now this. ~ Captain Zapp Brannigan, from Futurama

Leela: I’m sorry you had to see that, Fry.  Usually I keep my sadness pent up inside where it can fester quietly as a mental illness.
Fry: Yeah.  That’s what I do with my stupidness.
~ from Futurama

Here’s a link to list the other posts in the series.  Lots of good stuff…  🙂

quotes from cartoons, pt. 3

Today we’ll continue our series of quotes from cartoons.  I hope you’re enjoying this as much as I am.  These bring back so many great memories, besides making me laugh.  And laughing is fun — you should never forget that.  Plus it’s healthy — laughter does good like medicine, some say.  Now with the preliminary intro paragraph written, let’s get to the actual quotes :

I am merely a vessel through which genius flows. ~ Homer Simpson

I didn’t do it, nobody saw me do it, you can’t prove anything. ~ Bart Simpson

Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad.  And I’m tired of making other people feel good about themselves. ~ Homer Simpson

You want the truth?  You can’t handle the truth.  No truth-handler, you.  I deride your truth-handling abilities. ~ Sideshow Bob, from The Simpsons

The three little sentences that will get you through life:
1- Cover for me.
2- Oh, good idea, Boss!
3- It was like that when I got here. ~ Homer Simpson

Aww… isn’t that cute… BUT IT’S WRONG!!! ~ from 2 Stupid Dogs

We all make mistakes; just make that your last. ~ Space Ghost

I hate oatmeal cookies, they make me go. ~ Moltar

Bjork: I have to go to the toilet.
Space Ghost: You do remember the difference between the toilet and the sofa, right?
Bjork: I think so.
Space Ghost: And remember how angry I got…
Bjork: It smells like… bad eggs…
Space Ghost: Well, that’s what happens when you boil the cushions of the couch you’ve been urinating on.
~ Space Ghost Coast to Coast

Meltdown is just a buzzword.  We call it unrequested fission surplus. ~ Mr. Burns, on the Simpsons

Rocky: We’ve got to THINK!
Bullwinkle: This is no time to take up a new hobby.

That makes me very angry. ~ Droopy

I’m a rambling idiot, rambling everywhere; I’m a rambling idiot, in my underwear. ~ Brak

Say yer prayers, ya flea-bitten’ varmint. ~ Yosemite Sam

You realize, of course, that this means war. ~ Bugs Bunny

Nothing spoils the taste of peanut butter quite like unrequited love. ~ Charlie Brown

On the moon, the weekend has advanced beyond your wildest dreams.  Weekends now take up the entire week, and jobs have been phased out accordingly. ~ Inignot, from Aqua Teen Hunger Force

One egg left!  For a nutritious breakfast, two eggs is the minimum requirement, and I have but one, which is much less than two, and it is two that I need.  Curses!  I must immediately purchase some eggs, for I need to have breakfast, and without the eggs, I cannot have the breakfast that I so require! ~ Mojo Jojo

Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery. ~ Calvin

It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what’s cool. ~ Calvin

Don’t you hate it when your boogers freeze? ~ Calvin

As a math atheist, I should be excused from this. ~ Calvin

The sky turns red as the sun sets because all the oxygen in the atmosphere is catching fire.  The sun sets in the west.  In Arizona actually, near Flagstaff.  That’s why the rocks there are so red.  People don’t get burned up because the sun goes out as it sets.  That’s why it’s dark at night.  The sun doesn’t crush the whole state when it lands.  Hold a quarter up.  See, the sun’s just about the same size. ~ Calvin’s dad

Me Grimlock no nice Dino, me bash brains. ~ Grimlock, The Transformers

Megatron: I would have waited an eternity for this.  It’s over Prime. ~ Transformers, The Movie

Quintesson: You are the Autobot called Kup.  You are Cybertron’s chief of security.
Kup: Nah, my name’s Teaspoon, and I’m Cybertron’s chief dishwasher.
~ Transformers

You know gang, when you’re a superhero, you never know where the day will take you.  You may find yourself halfway around the world in the shark-infested waters of true-to-life living.  Or you may find yourself going down to the store for a lozenge.  You can’t know, can you?  No!  You gotta ride that wave, you gotta suck that lozenge!  ‘Cause if you don’t, who will? ~ The Tick

I don’t know the meaning of the word surrender!  I mean, I know it, I’m not dumb… just not in this context. ~ The Tick

I have no respect for a man who draws a weapon on one who has none. ~ Rurouni Kenshin

Space.  It seems to go on and on forever.  But then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you. ~ Fry, from Futurama

A good captain needs abilities like boldness, daring and a good velour uniform. ~ Captain Zapp Brannigan, from Futurama

Who are you, and why should I care? ~ Bender, from Futurama

Cubert J. Farnsworth: Your explanations are pure weapons grade balognium.  It’s all impossible.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Nothing is impossible.  Not if you can imagine it.  That’s what being is a scientist is all about.
~ from Futurama

“I think you’re feeling the Christmas Spirit, Skeletor.  It makes you feel good.”
“Well, I don’t like to feel good!  I like to feel evil!  Ohhh!”
“Don’t worry, Skeletor…  Christmas only comes once a year.”
~ He-Man, Skeletor, and She-Ra in the He-Man and She-Ra Christmas Special

Mall Santa: Ho ho ho!  And what can I bring you?
Stewie Griffin: Oh, a peace offering, is it?  Very well…  What say you trim those gin-soaked whiskers and bring me some plutonium?
Mall Santa: Well, can you be a good boy, hmmm?
Stewie Griffin: Your inquiry intrigues me.  Can any of us be a “good boy?”  Are our primal urges innate or the result of the choices we make?
Mall Santa: OK, wrap it up, kid.
Stewie Griffin: All right, Kringle, if the reward is plutonium, then your wager is accepted.  I will be…”nice”.
~ Family Guy

Here’s a link to bring up the other posts in the series.  It’s all good…  🙂