viewer mail, issue #15

It is time for another issue of viewer mail.  (I really should do these more often; they’re fun.)  As always, these are actual search terms that brought people to this website, followed by my own leading brand of analysis, commentary, and rambling.

* buffets make people fat — Buffets don’t make people fat — people make people fat.   Actually, you make yourself fat.  But that’s not meant in a derogatory way.  I mean, if you want to be fat, then you have that option.  But let’s not blame buffets, or the “politically correct” crowd will try to ban them.  Besides, even if all-you-can-eat buffets went away, there would still be fat people.  It’s just a matter of semantics or somethin’…

pickles are evil* pickles diarrhea — I haven’t heard of such things, but I also don’t research it in any way, because pickles are evil.  Some have posited that eating pickles will turn you into a zombie (which probably could lead to diarrhea as your body tries to reject that).  I don’t think that’s completely proven yet, but some important people are working on it.  We’ll keep you updated.  But in the meantime, avoid pickles at all costs, unless you’re throwing them into the sun to destroy them.  That would be okay.  (FYI, there’s a very funny discussion on pickles at that link.)

* shampoo fraud conspiracy — I have no idea about this one…  Does anyone have any clue what this could be referring to?

* potassium nitrate side effects — Potassium nitrate is an interesting compound.  It is used in fertilizer, amateur rocket propellant, smoke bombs, food preservation (in old days), cigarettes, tree stump remover, the heat treatment of metals as a short-term rust inhibitor, the manufacturing of ice cream, toothpaste, and it’s one of the three ingredients in black powder.  So if you were to eat it, who knows what the side effects could be?  There’s a lot to choose from among that list.  But given those options, I don’t recommend eating it.

* burn calories poop — Well, just about any activity burns calories, even tapping your finger on your desk, so I reckon pooping would, too.  I did a quick search, and someone estimated the process burns between 19 and 70 calories.  I don’t know how scientific and accurate that is, but that site claims to be the #1 source for #2.

* can the sun be dangerous — Certainly!  In case you weren’t paying attention in science class, here’s a brief recap.  The sun has constant fusion, where hydrogen atoms fuse together to form helium atoms and release energy.  Or in other words, it’s a constant explosion.  So you don’t play with it!  IT IS NOT A TOY!  You wouldn’t want to put the sun in your pocket, because it would burn your butt.  Fortunately we’re 93 million miles from the sun, and Earth’s atmosphere refracts the direct sunbeams so it’s not instantly lethal.   But using a magnifying glass you can refocus the beams of sunlight and see just how dangerous it is — it creates fire.  So obviously it’s quite dangerous — sunlight plus curved glass creates fire.

That’s all the time we have for today.  I hope you learned something, or at least laughed.  (Laughing burns calories, y’know.  I’m not sure about learning, but it’s still good for you.)

What would life on Mars be like?

Could there be life on Mars?  Scientists have long speculated (and continue to do so), although there’s more hope than ever.  They also wonder if humans might ever have a colony there.  But now the question is more like, “Would we want to?”

One of the reasons it’s improbable to find life on Mars is that the atmosphere doesn’t contain oxygen.  And it was thought that all organic life requires oxygen.  But a few years ago an organism was found that can live without sunlight and oxygen.  It’s a methanogen.  They eat hydrogen, breathe carbon dioxide, and belch methane.  A group of these were found in Idaho, living 660 feet underground.  They also exist in the digestive tracts of humans, causing gas.  If these bacteria are what life might be like on Mars, it might be a stinky place.

But there’s more.  Mars stinks naturally.  The surface of the red planet contains a very high concentration of sulfur.  Combined with other acids and minerals on Mars, it forms hydrogen sulphide (H2S), which is that rotten egg smell you may have experienced before.  And not only does it stink immensely, but it can cause headaches, and it is also explosive and poisonous.  So if you were living on Mars, you might be tempted to light a candle to reduce the stench (as some people are accustomed to doing), and KA-BOOM!

I’m thinking I’ll just stay here on Earth.  While there’s a few bad smells to deal with here, it’s not nearly so bad as it would be on Mars.

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lunar eclipse tomorrow

There will be a total lunar eclipse here tomorrow, August 28, 2007, at 4:52 AM.  I’d like to see it, because the moon will turn to various shades of orange and red.  It would make for some interesting pictures.  However, I’ve already got plans during that time.

If anyone asks why the moon is turning red, you can tell them it’s because the sky is blue.  That’s actually true — some sunlight will still reach it due to refraction in our atmosphere.  If they want further explanation, tell them to go figure out why the sky is blue.  🙂

Or it could be the end of the world, when the moon turns blood red.  Although there will be an accompanying earthquake during that time.  And there will be some other things happening before that.  So it’s probably not that…

One could also posit this as further proof that the moon is broken.  Think about it.  If you ask anyone in the world what color the moon is, they will say white or gray (or, if it’s a woman, perhaps some obscure color name which means white or gray or some combination thereof).  See, everyone knows this, so it’s common knowledge.  So why would the moon be changing colors?

If it were normal for the moon to change colors, that would be fine.  It would be kinda neat if it glowed blue sometimes, or morphed between different colors.  But that’s not normal for our moon.  No, it’s obvious that our moon is broken.  And I’m going to keep telling people until something is done about it.  I know, some people think the moon is harmless, but it’s far from it.  The moon is capable of causing great devastation and destruction on the Earth.  Think about it.  And be afraid… be very afraid…


Greetings, citizen…

Welcome to Buffet o’ Blog.  You have found our About page.  Grab a glass of tea, have a seat, relax, and I’ll tell you about myself and this blog.  There are three writers here, but two of them are slackers when it comes to writing new posts, so I do most of the work.  And as such, I will be your guide on this journey.  My name is Beppo.

This blog is meant to be humorous.  (Hopefully that’s obvious!)  So don’t take it too seriously.  Laughing is good for you, and it’s even good for your health — it’s like jogging on the inside.  Everyone should laugh more, and so this blog is for everyone.  Of course, not everyone will find it funny, but that’s okay.  To each their own.  If you’re a professionally-humorless person, then maybe it’s not for you.  Although, if that’s you, you should definitely lighten up and laugh more.  Life is much harder if you never laugh, and you tend to get offended a lot, which is not fun for anyone.  So go ahead and laugh…

One of the special features of this blog is that at least 95% of the material is original.  We usually don’t copy jokes from other sites, because we’re also tired of hearing the same old stuff.  Our humor is made fresh from scratch every day.  The humor can also take various forms, such as jokes, puns, irony, although our specialty is randomness.  And all of the humor is family-safe.  We keep it clean, because we are Christians, and we don’t want to fill our minds with filth.

There are some recurring themes on the blog, like , (where anyone can contribute to them), and .  There are also certain characters who consistently participate, creating an atmosphere like a community (or like a comic book, as one person has said).  Either way, it’s one of those situations where the more you read the posts and comments, the more you enjoy the site, because you get more of the inside jokes.

When you’ve had your fill of laughter for the day, feel free to check out my other blog, Thinking Outside the Box.  It’s more on the serious side, which is also important.

You are more than welcome to participate in the comments of any post, regardless of how old it is.  Actually, you are encouraged to, if you can think of anything good to add.  It’s a lot more fun when more people write.  The more, the merrier.  Just keep it clean.  If you post something vulgar or blatantly offensive, it will be edited or deleted.  I will be the judge of that, and my decisions are final.

Since so many people get offended these days and want to sue everyone, we have some disclaimers.  But these aren’t your grandfather’s disclaimers (whatever that means).  These disclaimers are actually fun to read, particularly when you get to the extended version below.  So keep reading.

Important Disclaimer: Answers and comments provided on Buffet o’ Blog are general information, and are not intended to substitute for informed professional medical, psychiatric, psychological, tax, legal, investment, accounting, or other professional advice.  Buffet o’ Blog does not endorse, and expressly disclaims liability for any product, manufacturer, distributor, service, or service provider mentioned or any opinion expressed in answers or comments.  In layman’s terms, it’s not our fault!

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