Help, my bathroom smells like crap!

If your bathroom stinks, a common practice is to light a candle.  But sometimes a single candle just doesn’t cut through the effervescence of flatulescence.  You could try lighting an array of candles, although you might not want to go through that trouble, or you might not have multiple candles available.  So here’s what you can do — just burn the whole candle at once.  That way, all the freshness gets released at once.

(Tip: It works better if the candle is not in a glass container.  Photo is for illustration purposes only.)

bird poop facials — only $180

I’ve heard of people drinking coffee made from poop, which is crazy enough.  But at least it’s cooked and processed to some degree.  Now there’s a new use for poop.  (But wait, there’s more!)

Now a spa in New York City is offering bird poop facials for $180 each.  Supposedly it gently exfoliates the skin.  I’m no beauty expert, but aren’t there other ways to do that?  Anyway, it’s called a “geisha facial”, which is supposedly a Japanese beauty secret.  (I’m thinking I’d keep the ingredients list secret if this was my product, but I’m no marketing expert, either.)

I know what some of you are thinking — “But you never mentioned the smell!!!”  🙂  Of course they have to account for that; how many people would stay in a spa if it smelled like crap?  At this spa, they surround you with aromas of camellia, lavender, and rose.  They mix the bird poop with a rice bran, so it supposedly smells like toasted rice.  The treatment begins with steam to open the pores and soften the skin, then they leave this poop mixture on your face for five minutes.  I guess they want the bird poop to soak in.  (Remember, they’re a professional business and they charge you a lot of money, so obviously they must know what they’re doing.)  The owner says the bird feces brings out the dirt and dust that builds up in the skin and leaves the customer feeling refreshed.

poop - jar of poopOh, and they don’t use just any ol’ bird poop, because that would be gross.  It’s only from nightingales, because they eat seeds that produce the natural enzyme that is the active ingredient.  Seems to me it would be good to cut out the middleman in this situation…

The article says that about 100 people get this pooperizing procedure done at this spa every month, which, doing the math, brings in $18,000 — every month.  That’s a lot of money for a procedure using bird poop and rice bran.  Seems like a high-profit business to be in.  They must be doing something right.  (I’d guess it’s the advertising and promotion — how else are you going to convince people to pay big bucks to get poop smeared on their face?)

A doctor (also in New York) has predicted that animal extracts will grow in popularity, that they offer “a new definition of natural”, because some marketed natural products could be harmful to the skin.  However, I also learned that because this is sold as a cosmetic rather than a drug, there is no obligation to back up their claims with evidence.

What’s going to be the next use of poop?  Actually, never mind — I don’t want to know.

Pizza Hut perfume

pizza-hut-perfume-colognePizza Hut has released their own brand of perfume, just in time for Valentine’s Day.  Pizza Hut’s CMO said, “Eau de Pizza Hut is one of the most sought-after and rarest of scents available.”  I’ll give him rare, but “one of the most sought-after” seems somewhat embellished.  I like eating their pizza, but I’m not sure if it would be good for my wife to smell like cheese, dough, and tomato sauce all day…

When I first saw the headline, it seemed like April Fools Day — has it moved up this year?  🙂  Of course this is a promotional gimmick, and if you manage to acquire the free giveaway, it comes with a $20 gift card, which would be sought-after.  You have to tweet something specific to enter, so it will get lots of attention.  Who wouldn’t want free pizza?

By the way, if I win this, would it make an acceptable Valentine’s Day present to my wife?  She likes Pizza Hut…  🙂

Man Candles

There are now candles with scents aimed at men, who might not be interested in collections like “Water Inspirations” or “Citrus Passions”.

YANKEE CANDLE COMPANY, INC

Man Town™ – Escape to the man cave with this masculine blend of spices, woods and musk.

First Down™ – This combination of orange, patchouli, vetiver and leather is as exciting as game day.

Riding Mower™ – Hot sun. Cool breeze. And the intensely summery scent of freshly cut grass.

2 x 4™ – The warm, unmistakable scent of freshly planed wood and sawdust evokes a sense of confidence and quality.

Apparently this is for real, even though it sounds like a parody.  They cost $27.99 each.  I’m no marketing expert, but men typically don’t buy candles to start with, and that seems like a high price to gain entry into this market (if such a niche exists).

I don’t have any review samples, but let’s consider the candles anyway, just based on the descriptions.  I’m not sure I’d want one that smells like a man cave.  Let’s think about this logically.  If a man is single, his bachelor pad may already smell like a “man cave”.  And if he’s single, he likely isn’t buying candles.  If a man is married, he probably already has several years’ supply of candles at his house, and his wife likely would not approve of these smells anyway.

There is a nice aroma of a freshly-mowed yard, but I’m not sure I’d want that in the house.  Plus, you get that every week or so anyway from mowing the yard.

Some guys might like the 2×4 scent, but I doubt it evokes “a sense of confidence”.  I don’t know about the First Down scent, either, but I’m fairly certain a candle won’t be “as exciting as game day”.  That’s some marketing malarkey!  But this is no review, because I haven’t tried them.  Nor do I plan to, because I’m married and I never buy candles anyway.  But if you have experience with these, let us know.