NFL players need our help

Since September 11, 2001, Americans have come together as never before in our generation. We have banded together to overcome adversity. We have weathered direct attacks on our own soil, wars overseas, corporate/government scandal, layoffs, unemployment, stock price plunges, droughts, fires, mad cow, SARS, high gasoline prices, and a myriad of economic and physical disasters both great and small. But now, we must come together once again to overcome one of our greatest challenges yet.

Hundreds of Professional Football players in our very own nation are going to be locked out, living at well below their seven-figure salary level. And as if that weren’t bad enough they could be deprived of their life sustaining pay for several months, possibly longer, as a result of the upcoming lockout situation. But you can help!

For only $27,080 a month, about $902.75 a day (that’s less than the cost of a large screen projection TV), you can help an NFL player remain economically viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the problem as it barely covers the annual minimum salary, but it’s a start, and every little bit will help!

Although $900 may not seem like a lot of money to you, to a football player it could mean the difference between spending the lockout golfing in Florida or on a Mediterranean cruise. For you, nine hundred dollars is nothing more than a month’s rent, a mortgage payment, or a month of medical insurance, but to a football player, $900 will partially replace his daily salary. Your commitment of less than $900 a day will enable a player to buy that home entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari, or enjoy a weekend in Rio.

HOW WILL I KNOW I’M HELPING?

Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the player you sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k), real estate, and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. Plus, upon signing up for this program, you will receive an unsigned photo of the player lounging during the lockout on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean (for a signed photo, please include an additional $150). Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other peoples’ suffering.

HOW WILL HE KNOW I’M HELPING?

Your NFL player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to help in a time of need. Although the player won’t know your name, he will be able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator in case additional funds are needed for unforeseen expenses.

Remember, a lifestyle is a horrible thing to waste…

—————————————————————————-
YES, I WANT TO HELP!

I would like to sponsor a locked out NFL player. My preference is (check below):

[ ] Offense [ ] Defense [ ] Special Teams [ ] Entire team

Please charge the account listed below $902.75 per day for the duration of the lockout. Please send me a picture of the player and my very own Roger Goodell (NFL Commissioner) pin to wear proudly on my hat (include $80 for hat).

Your Name:____________________Telephone Number:___________________
Account Number:__________________ Exp.Date:_______

[ ] Master Card [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other

Signature:_______________________

Alternate card (when the primary card exceeds its credit limit):
Account Number:_______________________ Exp.Date:_______
[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other

Signature:______________________

caption contest, sports fan with shirt off

Thanks to those of you who noticed the lack of a caption contest last week.  It’s nice to know I was missed.  🙂

Getting back to normal, here’s our weekly caption contest.  Since this is a big time for sports, with the MLB / baseball playoffs in full swing, the NFL underway, NCAA football going, and the NBA preseason, there’s a lot going on.  So I chose a sports-related picture for this week.  It’s an overweight sports fan with his shirt off.

It’s up to you to figure out what’s going on here.  What is he doing?  What do the people around him think?  What’s about to happen?  Why is this a bad idea?  What happened to his shirt?

(To see our other caption contests, click on the “Say What?” category in the sidebar.)

if you talk about bears, people will do what you say

There’s an article at the Huffington Post that explains why people like and follow Sarah Palin — it’s because she talks about mama grizzlies.  I know, some of you will think I’m making that up.  It does sound like randomness, which is what this blog specializes in, but it’s an actual article and it looks to be serious.   The author of it goes into archetypes and the “collective unconscious” proposed by Carl Jung.   You can read a summary of it with some quotes from it and some analysis here: Why do people like Sarah Palin?

What I got out of it (besides the obvious political slandering) is that if you talk about bears, people will do what you say.   And that during troubled conditions experienced by large numbers of people, “there is no lunacy people under the domination of an archetype will not fall prey to.”   There’s plenty of nationwide troubled conditions already — housing crisis, foreclosures, unemployment, layoffs, lack of job openings, lack of raises, inflation, stupid politicians, along with natural disasters, so the great unwashed masses are ripe for some psychological brainwashing via archetypes.  So I’m going to start talking about bears more, and then you’ll subconsciously be controlled by my influence.  Don’t worry, I’ll make the world a better place.  I only use my powers for good.

Did you know wild bears are important for the balance of nature such as sheep or salmon?  Also, bears and people are very similar in the kinds of food we eat, the habitats we prefer, and even our mutual curiosity.  You should vote for morally and fiscally responsible politicians from now on.  Bears are generally diurnal.   In autumn some bear species forage large amounts of fermented fruits which affects their behavior.  Also, you should make a generous donation to Buffet o’ Blog.  (Hey, we need a greater budget to do more good!)  Supposedly bears’ closest living relatives are seals.   (Uhh… I’m not sure about that, even though it’s on Wikipedia.)

Before you wander off to another branch of the Internet, I have one more bit of randomness related to all this.  (Don’t worry, this one isn’t taking control of your unconscious.)  While reading up some on Jung and archetypes, I saw a link in a search engine to Jung’s Wikipedia page, and on the search results page it said:

Carl Gustav Jung (German pronunciation: [Ë?kaË?É?̯l Ë?É¡Ê?staf Ë?jÊ?Å?];

I think something got lost in translation…

don’t get too excited about baseball

homer-hankiesI’ve been watching the baseball playoffs this year, and during one game I was talking with someone on the phone during a game, and he asked, “Why are those people waving their drawz?”  (drawz = underwear)

I had never realized that’s what was going on!  I knew people got excited, but this is crazy!  I’ve heard the announcers call them “homer hankies”, but there’s no such thing.   These people are waving their underwear during the game!

Folks, I know the playoffs are exciting, but there ain’t no need to wave your underwear during the game.   And if it’s “used”, then it should definitely remain in its intended use.  If you start waving your drawz around, that might lower morale of the fans around you.

This is just so far beyond the line of appropriateness… where’s the “appropriate police” at these games?