Why is gas $9.99/gallon?

I saw this the other day while driving around central Arkansas.

gas prices 9.99 (not really) - July 2013

Fortunately it’s not true!  But that’s the actual sign — no Photoshop or other editing.  The gas station / truck stop has been completely demolished, to be rebuilt bigger and better.

They tore it down the old-fashioned way rather than blowing it up.  I can understand there being some logistical issues with exploding a gas station, but it would’ve been really awesome to see (albeit from a safe distance).  Plus there’s another gas station across the street, so you’d get a bonus two-for-one explosion!  There is also a nearby car lot, which would probably result in more explosions.  And there’s a large billion-dollar company close also.  So the collateral damage would get expensive really quick, and thus this cannot happen.

explosion, Gaza Strip, from Israeli F-16 jet, Jan. 3, 2009

I suppose that’s why we have movies and video games — so we can virtually experience such things.  But even with a large HDTV and nice surround-sound system, you still don’t get the full impact of a real explosion.  Besides the lacking bass, you don’t get to feel the resulting shockwave from a large explosion.  I wonder if movie theaters will ever be able to simulate that.  (There’s a project for our R&D department…)  🙂

caption contest, man peeing into gas tank

This week’s caption contest features an unusual picture.  Some may consider it crude, even.  Well, the picture itself doesn’t show anything crude or vulgar, but the concept is not so noble.  So you’ve been forewarned, and if you proceed with viewing this post and you get offended, it’s your own fault!   (Really, you shouldn’t get offended.  It’s nothing personal — this has nothing to do with you — it’s just a concept of something funny, and it’s funny because it’s not really happening.)

Disclaimer aside, let’s continue.   This photo features a man peeing into a car’s gas tank.   At least, it appears that way.   You can write the captions however you want, taking whatever angle you want.   Just remember to not use any vulgar language — keep it clean.

man peeing into gas tank

(To see the other caption contests, click on the “Say What?” category in the sidebar.)

why beans give you gas

You never know when you might be on the brink of a new scientific discovery.  I mean, science happens all the time, even if you’re not looking for it.  So you have to keep your mind open to new hypotheses and theories.

The other night I was reheating some Taco Soup.  It features beef, corn, hominy, pinto beans, kidney beans, and various seasonings like taco seasoning, Ranch seasoning, and Rotel.  (And it’s really scrumptious — much better than any normal soup.  You add cheese, tortilla chips, and sour cream to it.  Mmm…)  Anyway, it has two types of beans in it, as I listed.  I was reheating a bowl of it that was leftover, and I covered the bowl with wax paper.  It was a good thing I covered it, because some of the beans exploded!

So where does science come into this?  Well, I’m not a scientist, but I have stayed at a Holiday Inn Express.  So here’s what happened.  Beans don’t normally explode at room temperature, but when they became hot and pressurized, they exploded.  And then I realized that must be what happens when we eat them!  Our bodies run at a temperature around 98.6 degrees, which is quite warm.  And as our digestive system is breaking down the food, there’s a lot of pressure inside.  So while your body processes the beans, they overheat and over-pressurize, which causes them to explode inside you.  And that explosion has to find an outlet, or there will be much discomfort in your stomach.  As you guessed, the outlet is your butt.

I never learned that in school, but it makes sense.  Perhaps the teachers were trying to be politically correct and not talk about gas and farting.  Some people get offended about such things, for some reason.  But I have no reason to hold back here, so I present my unvarnished scientific hypothesis.

Now you know…

Maybe next time I’ll figure out why beans are good for your heart…  🙂

Is it illegal to pass gas?

Is it illegal to pass gas?  Usually not, as far as I know, but a man named Jose Cruz found out otherwise.  This week, in South Charleston, West Virginia, Cruz was arrested for driving under the influence (DUI).  When police were trying to get his fingerprints back at the station, he passed gas on an officer.  Here’s what was filed in the official police report:

During processing Ptlm. Cook was taking the defendant’s fingerprints while Ptlm. Parsons was typing data into the Intoximeters 5000 machine.  Ptlm. Parsons was in a chair approx. 4-5 feet away from the fingerprinting station.   The defendant scooted the 4 feet to Ptlm. Parsons, away from officer Cook, and lifted his leg and passed gas loudly on Ptlm. Parsons.   Then defendant then fanned the air with his hand in front of his rear onto Ptlm. Parsons.   The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature with Ptlm. Parsons.

Ironically, he next had to take the breath test, and he couldn’t give a sufficient sample because he was having trouble breathing.  🙂

For doing all that, they charged him with “battery on an officer” and “obstructing an officer”.  I realize no one wants to be farted on, but is it really a criminal offense?   Did the officer think it was chemical warfare?   (Maybe it’s psychological warfare.)  Two days later, police dropped the charges relating to his flatulence.

Although, now that I think about it, the police were just trying to maintain law and odor.  🙂