diet colas with artificial poop

The other day I wrote about a spa using bird poop in facials, and at the end of the discussion I joked about what would be the next use of poop.  At the time, I was unaware of a breaking news story about diet colas that is somewhat related.  (Are you getting scared yet?)

diet cola - now with more artificial poopRecently the patent details for the artificial sweetener aspartame became available online, and well, it’s made with a certain byproduct.  (Are you sure you want to keep reading?  It might get even worse.)  Obviously it’s an artificial sweetener, which has certain connotations, but there’s more than you’d expect.  Some versions of aspartame are made by harvesting the protein waste (i.e., poop) of genetically modified E. coli bacteria, then adding methanol to it.  (On a side note, how someone invented this process is beyond my imagination, so I looked it up.  In 1965 a chemist was trying to create an anti-ulcer drug, and while generating a hormone for it, he licked his finger and accidentally discovered the sweet taste of aspartame.  Go figure…)

Aspartame is one of the most common artificial sweeteners, and it’s sold under the brand names NutraSweet® and Equal®.  It’s used because it’s about 200 times sweeter than table sugar, so less can be used, which lowers the calories in the food or beverage.  It is used in thousands of different food products.  The FDA maintains that it is completely safe.

It may be safe, but this is one of the those things that I kinda wish I didn’t know…

the junk food diet that works!

Have you heard of the Twinkie diet?  It’s also known as a convenience store diet.   A professor of human nutrition decided to prove that the main cause of weight loss was counting calories, not the nutritional value of the food.  So for two months, he ate a small meal of junk food every three hours.   His meals consisted of Twinkies, Hostess and Little Debbie snacks, Doritos, sugary cereals, and Oreos.  That was two-thirds of his diet — the rest included a daily protein shake, some vegetables, and a multivitamin pill.  His project was a success, in that he lost 27 pounds in two months.

Would deep-fried Oreos fit in this "diet"?

Sounds great, right?  When I heard this, I was thinking, “Where do you sign up for this kind of research?!?”  What made his “diet” effective was that he limited himself to less than 1,800 calories a day.  A man of his size would normally consume 2,600 calories per day.  The key to his “diet” (and any diet) was to consume fewer calories than he burned.   It makes sense.  (That’s my approach, although it looks like I haven’t been eating enough junk food!)

You might assume this his junk food diet would make his health worse, but it actually didn’t.  His “bad” cholesterol (LDL) dropped 20 percent and his “good” cholesterol (HDL) increased by 20 percent.  His level of triglycerides (a measure of body fat) went down by 39 percent.  That’s inconceivable.

So according to his research experiment and the documented results, you can eat Twinkies and Oreos and Doritos every day and become healthier! The numbers don’t lie.

At this link there’s a list of what his typical daily diet would include: Twinkie diet helps professor lose 27 pounds.

I almost hesitate to admit this next part because it might mean that the self-proclaimed “Important Doctor” might actually know something about nutrition and be right, but perhaps there is some validity to the bacon and cheese diet, if used in moderation.  I decided to put that in here because it sounds like some research is in order…  🙂   We also need to add Cheetos and Oreos and ice cream to it.   Then include copious amounts of Southern-style sweet tea, and it would be the most awesome diet ever.

finally a diet plan with enough splurging

The other day I overheard the “Important Doctor” giving some health advice to someone trying to lose weight.  He said if you would eat healthy and responsible (low-fat and low-calorie and small portions) for 80% of your meals, then you could eat whatever you want for the other 20% of your meals and still lose weight.

Let it be noted that his actual words were “whatever you want” concerning 20% of your meals.  So if you normally eat 21 meals per week, then 20% would be about 4 meals.  That sounds like a plan I could follow.   That would mean I could eat at a pizza buffet 4 times per week and still lose weight.  Or have one of the meals be an all-you-can-eat donut bonanza.  Or I could eat dishes like the bacon explosion.  I think I could eat responsibly for the other meals of the week if I could splurge all I wanted on four meals per week.

However, I suspect that once again the (self-proclaimed) “Important Doctor” is blowing hot air.  If I were to eat at a pizza buffet four times per week, I guarantee I wouldn’t be losing weight — I’d be gaining it.  He’s probably just throwing figures out there to make it sound like he’s done research and knows what he’s talking about.   But we’ve had this debate before, that he’s probably non-accredited (if he even is a doctor at all).  His infamous bacon and cheese diet sounds great, but I don’t know of any research proving that it works long-term.  (I imagine it does make people happy in the short-term, though!)

special diet preparations for fasting

Today I heard someone say that the proper way to do an extended fast is to prepare with a special diet during the previous week.  Supposedly this special diet prepares your metabolism for the absence of food, and it also helps you be more efficient with weight-loss during and after the fast.

That all sounds good, until you hear what the special diet consists of : cabbage soup.  There are some variations on the cabbage soup, including adding beef on certain days, but still, it’s cabbage soup.  I don’t know your opinion on it, but I think it’s nasty.

I was wondering about this diet, why it would work, and I’ve come up with a few ideas.  I’m no dietitian or nutriologist, but I’m good at making up stuff.  🙂  First, I think that after a week of eating only cabbage soup for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, your stomach says “no more” and thus you don’t want any food for a while.  Secondly, I think that it takes the whole length of your fast (say, 21 days) for your stomach to quit reeling over all that cabbage soup.  Given these ideas, I can see how such a diet can “help”.

Speaking of cabbage, since this is in a soup, I suppose it would involve boiled cabbage.  If you haven’t ever been around such a mess, I’ll tell you that there is some STANK involved with that.  (If you aren’t familiar with the term STANK, it’s worse than “stink”.)

Anyway, I plan to do more fasting in the future, but I don’t plan to research that cabbage soup diet.  If anyone tries it, you can let us know how that works out for you.