methane contributes to global warming

There are companies now selling “carbon credits”, making billions of dollars.  But carbon is not the only element contributing to global warming.  Researchers say methane is 23 times more potent than carbon dioxide in trapping heat in the atmosphere.  As we discussed in the last post, cows contribute significantly to global warming via the methane they produce with their flatulence.  But I’m willing to overlook that, because they play an important role in my diet.

However, there are some people who produce an undue amount of methane, way more than normal.  These people are not only polluting the immediate atmosphere, but they are contributing to global warming.  Of course, some of them might get offended if I told them they had to quit passing gas and belching so much, and you could argue that I would be infringing on their rights.  So I’ve found a good solution.  Effective immediately, I will be selling methane credits.  That’s right, for a small fee (paid to me), you can pass gas all you want, and I will plant trees to offset your personal pollution.  (I will also give you plenty of personal space!)

Are plants contributing to global warming?

Plants play an important role in preventing global warming, because they absorb carbon dioxide (CO^2) and convert it into oxygen via .  Well, I’ve heard that global warming is on the rise because of too much carbon dioxide in the atmosphere.  So this obviously means that plants aren’t doing their job.  I mean, that’s the main task of plants, right?  I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to eat them (although animals do, which is important, I reckon), so their main purpose of existence is to convert carbon dioxide into oxygen.

flowersSince plants obviously aren’t fulfilling their basic life requirements, it’s time to take action.  I’m going to start suing greenhouses and plant outlets who are selling us defective plants and shrubberies and trees.  You may think this is crazy (and maybe it is), but hear me out.  Mother Nature has taken care of Earth for thousands of years.  Plants always did their job, and life continued on as it was designed to.  But in recent years, there have been stores that sold us plants, some of which were genetically mutated and stuff.  Obviously that’s why the plants are malfunctioning.

Someone has to hold these places accountable.  I should’ve seen this a long time ago.  The grass in the field behind my house grows just fine naturally, but when my yard was sodded for the first time, the grass didn’t grow well at all.  Why?  Because it was bought from a store.  And that’s not all — my wife got some flowers from the store and planted them, and they died not too long after that.  They were even watered extra beyond what the rain naturally sends, yet they died.  That’s just not acceptable.  That’s causing us to spend more money, and now I learned that the early death of these plants can contribute to global warming!  I shudder to consider how many people buy plants and shrubberies that die before their time, and now there’s too many greenhouse gases in the atmosphere.  What is this world coming to?

What would life on Mars be like?

Could there be life on Mars?  Scientists have long speculated (and continue to do so), although there’s more hope than ever.  They also wonder if humans might ever have a colony there.  But now the question is more like, “Would we want to?”

One of the reasons it’s improbable to find life on Mars is that the atmosphere doesn’t contain oxygen.  And it was thought that all organic life requires oxygen.  But a few years ago an organism was found that can live without sunlight and oxygen.  It’s a methanogen.  They eat hydrogen, breathe carbon dioxide, and belch methane.  A group of these were found in Idaho, living 660 feet underground.  They also exist in the digestive tracts of humans, causing gas.  If these bacteria are what life might be like on Mars, it might be a stinky place.

But there’s more.  Mars stinks naturally.  The surface of the red planet contains a very high concentration of sulfur.  Combined with other acids and minerals on Mars, it forms hydrogen sulphide (H2S), which is that rotten egg smell you may have experienced before.  And not only does it stink immensely, but it can cause headaches, and it is also explosive and poisonous.  So if you were living on Mars, you might be tempted to light a candle to reduce the stench (as some people are accustomed to doing), and KA-BOOM!

I’m thinking I’ll just stay here on Earth.  While there’s a few bad smells to deal with here, it’s not nearly so bad as it would be on Mars.


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