the name of butts

I recently heard of a woman with the last name of Butts.  (Bless her heart!)  So I’d imagine in various circumstances she’s referred to as Mrs. Butts.  Why does someone have the last name of Butts?  Perhaps it used to not mean what it does today.  According to my research (I actually did some, if a search with Google counts), it used to refer to a mark on a target in archery.  And in centuries past, people often took on the name of their trade/occupation.  But I’m thinking I’d change my name if that was my last name now — if not for my sake, for the sake of any children I might have.  Can you imagine how much ridicule they would face going through public schools?  They’d most certainly be the butt of many jokes…

I know, it’s not fair to have to change your name because the meaning of the word changed.  But what can you do?  Suppose your name was “wuss”.  Would you change it or endure the ridicule for the rest of your life?  I would consider it an opportunity to officially change my name to something really cool.

On a side note, in my research I learned that a “butt” is also “a large bulk-measure cask, with established volumes and quantities for various commodities in historic marketplaces”.  I think it’s obvious why that measurement isn’t used anymore.  Imagine going to a grocery story and asking for a butt full of flour.  AWW-RIGHT!  🙂

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butt implants

One of the writers here recently mentioned the growing industry of butt facials, and then the article he referenced said men haven’t taken to it so far.  That is completely understandable.  But I recently read something similar to this which disturbs me.  (Read on if you dare.)

In an article in TIME Magazine about not looking old on the job, they list some of the cosmetic surgeries common among men and women of the baby boomers generation.  I can understand wanting to look younger, especially in tech fields typically dominated by people in their 20s and 30s.  But wait ’til you read some of these.  For men, the article lists things like tooth-tightening, neck tucks, and knee-tightening.  That’s weird enough, but it gets even more crazy.  The last item mentioned is a “butt lift and implant” — for men.

I’d never heard of such craziness, and I kinda wish I had never known.  (If you feel the same way, well, too bad, because now you know.)  The article explains why a man would want this: “Slacks can’t hide a saggy, deflated tush.”  Whether true or not, I have to ask “WHO CARES?”  Do men get less promotions or job offers because of their butts?  I don’t think so.  (And if there are instances where that is true, I wouldn’t want to work there anyway!)

The article explains the procedure: “Buttock lifts (up 660% in men from 2000 to 2006) involve surgically lifting baggy behinds; implants, a newer option, mean inserting silicone sacks.”  I just have trouble believing any man would want butt implants…  I don’t know…  And guess what it costs… $4,500!

What is this world coming to?

the wonder of lightning bugs

Do you ever watch lightning bugs?  I was standing on my back porch last night, and there’s a huge open field behind my house.  I could see hundreds of lightning bugs, all of them flashing their patterns.

lightning bugThey’re also known as the firefly.  They create the light using certain enzymes that react together.  They use this light for our enjoyment.  🙂  No, really, it’s for mating purposes.  They create unique courtship patterns.  I don’t understand this.  Does this female firefly get interested because one guy has 5 flashes in quick succession?  Or does the rhythm of the flashing make her want to dance?  I guess it doesn’t matter…

Scientists are trying to reproduce this chemical (luciferase) in the lab through genetic engineering for other purposes.  So far they have been able to synthesize it and get other living things to produce the protein, such as mice (of course), silkworms, and potatoes.  [Ed. note: potatoes?!?  Would you eat glowing potatoes?]

What if they can cause humans to produce it?  Wouldn’t it be weird if we could make our butts light up?  🙂

more viewer mail

It’s Friday, so let’s celebrate with another issue of viewer mail.  Same rules as last time — we will use actual search terms that people like you used to find this site, because we don’t yet have a place where you can e-mail us your questions directly.  (What is our webmaster up to?  If the Nintendo Wii, er, Revolution, was out, I could understand his lack of free time.  I’m gonna hafta go light a fire under his butt or somethin’ to get him fired up about working.)  Anyway, we’ll make do with what we have.  Y’know the saying : “If life hands you lemons, make lemonade.” I’ve also heard someone say, “If life hands you crap, make a crap sandwich.”  I don’t think that would be very good.  Perhaps we could make that jack o’lantern of flaming poop we talked about, even though it’s after Halloween.  Or we could just fling the poop at our enemies.  Oh, I know — just anonymously mail the crap to your enemy and let him figure out what to do with it.  🙂

Okay, now I’m rambling, while some people are patiently waiting for this week’s issue of viewer mail (which isn’t weekly, but should be).  Let us begin…

  • why throw your life away so recklessly — I suppose you are referencing the quote by Megatron from Transformers: The Movie — “Why throw away your life so recklessly?”  It’s a good movie.  I’m hoping the next one that’s due out 7.4.07 will be really good.  It has incredible amounts of potential.  It’s one of those movies that could be one of the best Sci-Fi movies ever, yet it could also be a huge flop because of all the hype and potential.  But I’ve heard there’s plans for at least 3 new Transformers movies, so apparently those involved think it will be a hit.  I have my fingers crossed.  (BTW, the quote is also a good question.  We shouldn’t waste our life.  If you want to read more about finding your purpose in life, I recommend my other blog : Thinking Outside the Box.)
  • are pork chops bad for you? — No, I don’t think so.  I had some last night, made with Shake’n Bake (and I helped!).  Also had macaroni & cheese.  Mmm…  Some nutritionists might say that pork chops aren’t the healthiest of meats, and they’re probably right, but you gotta enjoy life.  (The “Important Doctor” that visits here will probably think they’re healthy, because he invented some crazy bacon-and-cheese diet that sounds too-good-to-be-true.  He’s becoming known for his non-accredited theories.)
  • buffet bathroom explosion — Obviously somebody didn’t know when to quit eating!  I understand that you want to make the most of your trips to all-you-can-eat buffets.  (Trust me, I know in a big way.)  But eventually we all reach a point where your body says “no more!” and you have to respect that.  If you keep eating beyond that point, you pay the price…
  • blog nintendo wii ice cream truck — I’m not totally sure what you’re looking for, because I don’t know of any combination of those things in existence.  But they are all quite cool.  I’ll post this anyway, in case some of our readers have any ideas for that…
  • moon shining in daytime — I see that other people are noticing the problem, too!  Perhaps this is happening more than ever… (dun Dun DUN!)  I wrote on this recently : the moon is broken.  Feel free to share your thoughts and suggestions in the comments section.
  • what those the moon look like in novembe — Ahh, another moon inquiry.  (As you probably noticed, the search terms get cut off at a certain length, but it’s obvious what he/she was asking.)  Well, this one is easy — it’s November now, so just look outside tonight.  Although, because the moon is broken, it might not even be shining tonight.  (Grrr!)  We need to get things moving on fixing the moon!  Write your state representatives and tell them the moon is broken and that they need to get off their butts and pass some legislation to fix the moon.
  • pickles + proof + evil — I’m glad the word is getting out and people are starting to learn that pickles are indeed evil.  We’ve had extensive dialogue on this topic, which you can find at this post : pickles are evil.  It’s been suggested that all pickles be destroyed as soon as possible.

This issue of viewer mail is now concluded.  Thank you, drive thru…