Are humans just mutant animals?

Have you ever wondered what animals think of humans?  We take it for granted that we are many times more intelligent than our pets, but what do they think about us?  Your dog might think you’re a mutant with super powers.  You can do things that transcend his understanding.  Imagine it from his perspective…

Now some scientists think that we may have super powers compared to other animals, that humans are mutants and a “copyediting error” in the brain is what separates us from other animals.  To that I say, “WHATEVER”.  God designed us this way.  Although even if you believe in evolution, does that account for mutants with super powers?  If so, I wasn’t taught that in school.  Science and biology classes would’ve been a lot more interesting if we’d talked about how to get super powers.

It’s impossible to know how an animal would think of all this.  Although it’s probably safe to say that if you were born a cat instead of a human, you wouldn’t be thinking about these things, nor would you even be aware that such a discussion could exist.  Your life would center around eating, sleeping, and playing.  Although I reckon that’s what a lot of humans focus on, not making much use of our superior intellect.  To each their own.  Actually, on second thought, eating a big mound of nachos and taking a nap sounds pretty good right now, super powers or not.

tasty animals more likely to be eaten

In the news last month, Discovery published an article that concluded that bad-tasting animals were less likely to be eaten than good-tasting animals.  It seems like that should be obvious…

The researchers concluded this by studying chemical compounds and by coating certain animals with bitter-tasting substances to see which were chosen.   That methodology may have its place, but it seems like part of the research should’ve involved grilling lots of animals to see which taste better, then look at what humans have been fond of eating, whether taste is the primary motivation.  This test should also involve copious amounts of gravy.  🙂

steak-and-milk-gravyThis link was sent in by Turtle Dundee, who happens to be an expert in the field of tasty animals and who already knew this information before reading the article.  Perhaps he should publish some of his research on tasty animals…

On a side note, while looking for pictures of steak with gravy, many of the pictures didn’t have enough gravy.   I know some parts of the country do things differently, but if there’s one thing we in the South know about, it’s frying food and making gravy with it.  So let me make this clear: the gravy should cover the entire portion of the meat (and mashed potatoes too!).   If that’s too much for some people, serve it on the side, or have the dish include unlimited gravy.  Just don’t serve a chicken-fried steak with only enough gravy for half of it.  That just ain’t right!

country fried steak with little gravy, green beansAlso, many of the pictures included vegetables like green beans, celery, lettuce, or broccoli.  To each their own, I suppose, but I’m a “meat ‘n taters” type of guy.   Adding “green” to the picture doesn’t make it look more appealing — just add more meat, more taters, and more gravy, and that will impress people.

On another side note, I had a small, healthy lunch today, and all this talk of gravy is making me incredibly hungry!  I know there’s a lot of great foods out there, but you just can’t top a meal of fried chicken, mashed taters, biscuits, and milk gravy.  (And of course Southern-style sweet tea should be served with this meal, but that should go without saying.)

all the animals are missing!

Let’s think outside of the box for a moment…

What if God decided to rapture the animals first?  What if He decided we were too mean to them or that we don’t deserve them anymore?  Picture it — you might be eating a cheeseburger, and then all the meat disappears.  The collective cries of millions around the world would be, “WHERE’S THE BEEF?”  Fast food joints and established restaurants would all be sued, as meatless burgers and missing steaks would cause an outrage.  Some people would starve, being allergic to vegetables.  Pets would be missing, and the police would be overwhelmed with missing pet calls.  The world would go into utter chaos and destruction.  It could be the end of society as we know it.

[Ed. note: Before “Captain Literal” makes an appearance, let me say this is completely hypothetical.  I know the Scriptures, and there is no reference to animals being raptured, especially before mankind.  So save your “know-it-all” remarks for other sites that might care about your super-serious remarks.  The whole point of this is to laugh.  Now, I realize some people are humorless, and it’s their loss.  Laughing can add +8 years to your life, so I’ve heard.  And laughing does a body good (even better than medicine, in my opinion).  If you’re unable to laugh, life must be really hard on you.  I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes.  But if that’s you, then you should spend a few minutes here at this blog, and find something that might make you laugh.  Being an adult doesn’t mean you should quit laughing or take everything seriously.  Other people don’t always take you seriously, so why should you?  🙂  BTW, all this advice is free.  Really, you owe us nothing.  But if your life is now changed and you actually enjoy life again, you should become a regular here at this blog.  And if you want to show your gratitude, you’re always welcome to send us cookies or pay for our next trip to Larry’s Pizza.  Thank you, drive thru…]

making mutant animals

What happens when you mix animals with radioactive ooze?  If you’ve done any kind of research on such things like I have*, you will realize this is dangerous.  You tend to end up with mutants.  And these mutants might be evil, difficult to stop, and causing widespread destruction.  Apparently some scientists have not realized this, because there is a nuclear power plant near Miami, Florida, called , which maintains a wildlife preserve around its twin reactors.  And this is not just some casual “I’m saving an acre of the land I’m building on to make us look enviro-friendly” wildlife preserve — no, it’s twenty thousand acres.  They maintain seventeen endangered species (which doesn’t seem to me like the best place to keep them, but what do I know?), but the scary part is that they are particularly interested in breeding crocodiles.  They’ve released over three thousand into the wild so far.  The crocodile is quite a dangerous animal naturally, with its armor and incredible strength, but mixing it with radiation seems like a bad idea.

GoziraHow did the scientists not put this together?  This just goes to show that you need to take a break from studying to watch TV and movies.  If they had kept up with what’s being documented in some of the popular movies of the past few years, they would’ve realized this is a bad idea.  I just hope we can stop this before it’s too late…

* I’ve watched X-Men and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, as well as some B-movies along these lines.