viewer mail, issue #18

One of the regular readers here recently mentioned that we haven’t put out an issue of viewer mail in a while.  They are correct.   And there is no good excuse for it, because it’s a fun series, and there’s plenty of material to work with.  Perhaps the writers are slackers.  So to light a fire under them, I told them they had to put out a new episode of viewer mail or they’d go to bed without supper.  That is sufficient motivation, so now we have the next issue of viewer mail.

As usual, this is based on actual search terms used to find this blog, and I’ll focus on the ones we haven’t already written extensively about.

Click image to see a larger, more tempting picture.

* large sausage & bacon sandwich — My dream of the future is that someday we’ll be able to download stuff like this.  Just type it in at a certain site (or select it from pictures), and it’s downloaded through the Internet.  Although I wonder if the tubes of the Internet are subject to artery clogging… Why would I worry about that, though?  I’m American!  Here’s the kind of breakfast sandwich I would download — bacon, sausage, copious amounts of cheese, held together by grilled cheese with bacon.   (There could hardly be a better breakfast sandwich, unless you add some milk gravy.)

* buffet calories — This is an invalid request.  The whole nature of a food buffet is unlimited, so if you’re wanting to count calories, you should avoid a buffet.  The great part of a buffet is that you get to eat what you want, in whatever combination you want, and however much you want.  That’s why it’s called “all you can eat”.   If you don’t eat all you can eat, you’re getting ripped off, because that’s what you paid for.

* homer simpson freak out — Your search returned 7,352,809 results.   🙂

* barack obama thinking — Your search returned 0 results.   (That was too easy…)

* super awesome bacon sandwhich — See above.  Actually, there are a number of bacon sandwiches (and other awesome bacon foodstuffs) documented here.  You can click on the “Food Critic” category, and many will either start with bacon or have it added.  (It’s inevitable that someone will always say “needs more bacon”.)   One of the Food Critic entries is a massively stacked , with many layers of bacon.  You can also search for our Buffet o’ Bacon series, where we conduct our own bacon recipe research, involving the Buffet o’ Blog important chefs (of which there are several).  There you’ll find some bacon dishes you’ve probably never thought of before, and it may make you hungry.  🙂

* women have bad moods — Your search returned 380,599,248,107 results.  (I hope I don’t get in trouble for that!)

I’d better wrap this up before things get too crazy.   Actually, I suddenly have a powerful craving for bacon…  Time to exit stage right to search for bacon!

viewer mail, Christmas day special

Traffic here at the blog was at the lowest point of the year on Christmas Day (and it was still 223 pageloads).  This is understandable, because we aren’t posting new content around that time, and most people are probably spending time with their families and playing with their new toys.  Since fewer people are browsing the Internet that day, I had to wonder what people were searching for.  I’m going to limit the results just to what brought people to this blog, and I’m going to remove some of the similar entries.  (Also, only a certain number of search terms are stored for each day, so this may not be everything.)

Here’s the partial list of search terms that brought people here on Christmas Day (with the number of searches using that term):

basketball    34
sumo wrestling    11
poop    10
mount rushmore    8
basketball pictures    6
tank    6
sherman tank    5
funny christmas lights    4
bad hair    4
swedish goat fire    4
bad hair day    3
weird christmas quotes    3
pics of amazing lights on houses on chri    2
homer simpson + toilet paper    2
hair bands    2
fry turkey accident    2
pictures of deep frying turkeys gone wro    2
the burger king guy    2
poop in toilet    2
turkey frying accidents    2
pooping dog    2
beaker bunsen    2
bacon bbq    2
halo    2
carnivore pizza    2
truck driving    2
mr t    2
bacon crackers & shredded cheese    2
christmas straw goat    1
funny soccer celebrations    1
mountain dew ingredients explained funny    1
30 pound pizza man vs. food    1
“monstrosity” “burger”    1
facts about toilet    1
muppets professor    1
little mac mike tyson’s punch out    1
fat men dancing    1
covered in post it notes    1
cheese empanadas    1
wii for fat people    1
obama afro    1
bacon ham buffet    1
swedish christmas straw goat    1
worms in feces    1
homer simpsons wise sentites    1
bad mood no reason    1

There you have it.  Are you surprised?  Imagine someone on Christmas Day searching for “fat men dancing” or “worms in feces” or “poop in toilet”.  I reckon some people spend their Christmas day a lot differently than I do…  🙂  To each their own…  But it’s not a problem, because we’re open 24/7, and pages of randomness are served even if no one is in the office.  That’s one of the neat things about technology…

BTW, if you found this page via an Internet search, we’re written about most of these topics, and you can search just this blog using the search box in the sidebar.

Halloween costume for 2012

the end is near - Homer SimpsonIt may be a little too early to think of my Halloween costume for 2012, but I thought of it anyway.  :)  Since 2012 is supposedly the end of the world, for Halloween I’m going to have my hair all messed up, not shave for a few days previous, and wear a giant sign that says “THE END IS NEAR!”  It’ll be like one of those old-school doomsday prophets.

You could also do this at work on a Monday.

Obviously this picture doesn’t quite do it justice, but it’s close enough…

don’t get too excited about baseball

homer-hankiesI’ve been watching the baseball playoffs this year, and during one game I was talking with someone on the phone during a game, and he asked, “Why are those people waving their drawz?”  (drawz = underwear)

I had never realized that’s what was going on!  I knew people got excited, but this is crazy!  I’ve heard the announcers call them “homer hankies”, but there’s no such thing.   These people are waving their underwear during the game!

Folks, I know the playoffs are exciting, but there ain’t no need to wave your underwear during the game.   And if it’s “used”, then it should definitely remain in its intended use.  If you start waving your drawz around, that might lower morale of the fans around you.

This is just so far beyond the line of appropriateness… where’s the “appropriate police” at these games?