killer teddy bear

In the news, a teddy bear has been implicated for 2500 deaths — of trout, that is.  He was found in a fish hatchery, clogging the drain, which prevented adequate oxygen from flowing.  The hatchery supervisor has released a written statement in response : “RELEASE OF ANY TEDDY BEARS into the fish hatchery water IS NOT PERMITTED.”  Seems like it would be better to tell people to not put anything into the water.  He also said, “It’s kind of a cute little teddy bear and people wouldn’t think that a cute little teddy bear would be able to kill fish.”  Perhaps we have underestimated the power of teddy bears…

remote-control teddy bear

Here’s a great idea… and it’s good that a company had the audacity to make it.  It’s a remote control teddy bear.  It makes a farting noise when you push the button on the remote control.  This would be great for parties!  You could leave it on the couch, so people would pick it up to move it and some people would have to hug it, and then after you activate it, laughter would ensue.

If they ever make a version 2.0 of it, here’s something they should add — have multiple buttons on the remote for different volumes.  Sometimes you’d want it to let a quiet fart, one where the people in the room thought they might’ve heard someone cut one, but they aren’t sure, so you have that awkward moment where everyone looks around and half the people want to laugh and the other half want to be all offended and/or mortified.  🙂  And it should have at least 20 different fart sounds, for even more laughs.

Elvis’ teddy bear… all shook up

There’s a tourist attraction in England called Wookey Hole Caves that had a display of 1,000 teddy bears, including one named Mabel which used to be owned by Elvis Presley.  This one particular bear was worth $75,000.  There were other valuable ones, too.  In fact, the collection was so valuable that the insurance company insisted that guard dogs be used to watch it at night, along with a security guard.  So they brought in Barney the guard dog.  (Do you see where this is headed?)  So guess what the dog did… It mauled dozens of teddy bears, including Mabel.  And the insurance company really can’t say much, because it was their idea.

At the news article, you can see a picture of Barney and his handler (who doesn’t look very happy), surrounded by stuffing from teddy bears.

Missing your ex? Call Death Bear

Sometimes romantic relationships fail.  It’s part of life.  (Actually, if it’s not the right person for you, it’s good that it fails, even if it doesn’t feel like it for a while.)

When we’re getting over a failed relationship, we may see reminders of them that make us sad.  Now there’s a service to help you with that.  Just call “Death Bear“, and he will come remove the articles of affection that keep reminding you that your ex is gone.  He’s 7 feet tall and solid black.  He will show up at your house or apartment for your convenience, and it’s completely free.  (At this time he only covers the Brooklyn area, though.)

Death Bear looks somewhat like Darth Vader… or perhaps his teddy bear.  (Follow the link for pictures.)

I think it’s an awesome idea…  It’s funny, it’s random, and it can actually help people.