The moon is broken. I won’t bore you with terminology like synodic orbital aberration, lunar coefficients, quantum gravity, nor with using big numbers with way too many significant digits. I would probably lose readers with such tactics. Besides, the evidence can be easily seen with the naked eye. Just last night, only half the moon was lighted; soon, none of it will be visible. (For some reason, that’s called a “new moon”… I think it should be called “no moon”.) Sometimes the moon even tries to shine during the day. Here’s the issue : the moon is supposed to shine at night!
The moon provides night-time light for all the furry little woodland creatures. They need the light at night to help them scavenge for food and so they won’t run into trees. The moon is important for other reasons, too, like, um, uhh, we need it to, uhh, hmm… Oh, I know — it helps generate tidal waves for surfers. But let’s not forget the furry little woodland creatures. We need to fix the moon for our natural habitat.
When the moon is shining during the day, it’s a total waste. It contributes absolutely nothing. And on the nights when it isn’t shining, that helps no one. (And those cute little furry woodland creatures don’t have flashlights like we do. And so they have difficulty finding food after dark. That’s why they come into your subdivision with the streetlights and eat your flowers.) Think about it — the purpose of the moon is to shine at night. So obviously it got out of cycle at some point in history. Now, in the 21st century, we might have the technology to do something about it.
If you have any suggestions on how we should fix the moon cycles, feel free to post them here. Perhaps someone from NASA will see it and decide to do something more useful for us than collecting space dust or crashing a rocket into a comet. Maybe one of the few remaining mad scientists will take it upon themselves to solve this issue. (Whoever accomplishes this will most certainly be famous. We’ll make sure you get sufficient credit. And just think — you could very easily land a book deal, probably even a movie if you make it all dramatic and suspenseful.) Perhaps our own Buffet o’ Blog R&D department can come up with a solution. It would be fun to try.
So send in your suggestions. Let’s all work together to make a difference.
After all this talk of blowing up the Moon, I revisited the petition to blow up the moon, and it’s up to 1109 signatures. That’s quite a few people, though nowhere near enough to get this kind of legislation to pass.
I decided to glance at some of the recent signatures, to see what people are listing as their reasons for signing it, and I found some interesting excuses. Here’s some of the most random and creative ones (with the original spelling and grammar):
* How long before it crashes to Earth and kills the dinosaurs again?
* I’m not using it for anything. Why not blow it up?
* Pretty annoying. Never stays the same shape.
* because it has enslaved humans in its evil orbital …… orbit for far to long
* It blocks my view.
* it gives us nothing and if we can blow it up we can study the inside from the outside
* it causes the tides. which causes friction which in turn causes volcanos to erupt, and im living on a volcano.
* Been there, not done it.
* sure destroying the moon would have catastrofic effects but thats the fun of it
* One word: werewolves!
* I am sick of my sandcastles being washed away.
* Because it’s stupid and cheesy.
* The moon is the giant stir-stick in the solution of life, and the planet would look nice with a ring…
* It should be blown up because it’s leeching off our gravity.
* It makes me feel empty inside.
* It’s starting to smell.
* Waste of space…(get it?)
* SOMEONE SET UP US THE BOMB!
* When I was there, it pretty much sucked.
* What if it falls down?
* I hate cheese…
* For too long the moon has looked down on us!
* what the crap if u blow up the moon earth would be destroyed also and id just be plain idiotic
So there you have it — lots of reasons why the Moon should be blown up. Of course, if we were to consider the argument for not blowing up the Moon, there’s at least one really good reason on that side. I won’t get into that debate here, but you can ponder it on your own time. Just don’t actually try to blow up the Moon on your own — there’s some potential side effects that need to be considered first. (Also at that last link is part of our discussion on how the Moon is broken.)
Last Sunday night I happened to catch a few minutes of a made-for-TV movie on ABC called “Impact“. It was about a meteor shower that hid “a rogue asteroid” which hit the Moon and pushed it closer to Earth. This new elliptical orbit caused all kinds of problems, and it looked neat to see the Moon up close to the Earth.
The tagline of the movie is: “Get ready to experience the dark side of the moon!” Obviously that can be taken as a pun, but perhaps the movie also means to portray the Moon as evil. The plot twist is that the Moon is going to crash into the Earth in 39 days, and unless man can stop it, all life on the planet will be destroyed.
I didn’t see a lot of the movie, but even what I saw had some difficult-to-believe moments (and I like science fiction movies). The main problem I had with it was that people and objects (as heavy as trains) would sometimes float into the air. They could’ve explained that as the Moon’s gravity competing with the Earth’s, but they said it was due to some electromagnetic effect resulting from the meteors / asteroids. I’m not sure how electromagnetism makes people float away, but that’s what happens in the movie.
There were also numerous cliché-type moments in the movie, which can get old. But what kept my interest was when the scientists / astronomers said the Moon was going to crash into the Earth. What will they do about that? The obvious answer is to blow it up. Once the plot thickened to this consistency, I started watching more. Unfortunately, it was “to be continued”, and will finish this next Sunday at 8pm CST. I figure they won’t blow it up, but it is an interesting idea.
The idea of blowing up the Moon is not my idea — I remember seeing an online petition to blow up the Moon. (I wonder who started that, and why.) But I have explained on numerous occasions that the Moon is broken, and something needs to be done to fix it. (Follow that link for a full explanation, and there are several trackbacks in the comments leading to further discussion on this subject.)
FYI, there are two links at the IMDb page for watching the movie, but I haven’t tried using them.
The other night I was riding my bike, and it was more difficult than it used to be. I was quickly getting tired and out of breath, and it just seemed like I was heavier than I should feel. So naturally I wondered if gravity has been altered somewhat. This seems to also affect me even getting up and walking, so it’s not just the bicycle. It feels like I’m carrying an extra 50 pounds or so, but really, my weight is about average for the typical American male my age. I wonder if this has something to do with the moon being broken. The other day I was walking into work around 8:15 AM, and the full moon was shining brightly in the sky. Everyone knows the moon is supposed to shine at night, so obviously it’s broken. I suspect that’s why I feel heavier than I should be, because its gravity affects Earth.
Like I mentioned before, I’m gonna sue whoever owns the moon, but not just because the current situation is dangerous, but also because it makes me feel fat. And that’s a big deal! In addition to being a major inconvenience, it can also hinder my self-esteem and self-image.
Then again, this could be related to that conspiracy mentioned here recently about Earth’s second moon. Somebody really should look into that…