I realize Chuck Norris jokes have been around for years, so this one I’m going to share might not be new, but it’s just so random, so it fits in here.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
I mean, that just doesn’t make any sense whatsoever, yet it’s funny. It’s amusing to say Chuck Norris is all-powerful and can do all things, but now can he traverse the spacetime continuum? Or does he have infinite lives?
Recently I had several home-cooked Thanksgiving meals, and for there were lots of great traditional foods — turkey, ham, dressing, mashed potatoes, etc. But there is one traditional food that I just don’t understand — potato salad (or as some say, tater salad). Actually, let me call it “food”, because I’m not convinced it’s edible.
Normally I’m all about potatoes, in just about any capacity, but why ruin it with pickles and mustard? I just don’t get it. We’ve discussed at length that pickles are evil and should not be eaten. I don’t like eating mustard, but at least I can accept that some people like it. Pickles just aren’t food. Even just the smell of them is repulsive.
Fortunately my in-laws realized my dislike of it and left some of the mashed potatoes uncorrupted for my consumption this year. So props to them for that.
But why ruin good potatoes in such a manner when there are so many better uses for them? Nonetheless, I understand how tradition and nostalgia is important, especially this time of year, so if potato salad is a tradition that many people feel should be continued, let’s revamp it.
So here and now, let’s invent a new-and-much-improved “potato salad” (if one must exist). First off, no pickles or mustard. Let’s just start with mashed potatoes (with butter and milk, of course), then add cheese and bacon. Or we could go with bacon and gravy. (Or all 3 if you feel adventurous.) This will be a hundred times better than regular potato salad! (Actually, I’m not sure I could even put a number on the comparison, since in its traditional form it is inedible to me.)
If we make this change, it might be culture shock to a few people, but once they try it, there’s no going back. People will forget about the previous version, and everyone will be happier for it! If it makes you sad that family members will no longer say things like, “Grandma Bottlestopper made the best tater salad”, realize that now people will say YOU make the best potato salad. YOUR recipe will be written into the legends of Thanksgiving cooking, to be discussed for generations to come. How will you feel about that?
If you have any additional suggestions or have done research on this topic, feel free to share. Together we could invent the world’s best potato salad recipe.
The other day I was at Walmart and I saw something unusual. There was a man running out of the bathroom. I’m not talking about just walking fast — he was literally running. I’ve seen people run into a bathroom, and there are obvious reasons for that (though a dubious strategy, in my opinion). But it seemed odd to see something actually running from the bathroom. I was scared to go in… I mean, it’s scary enough to have to use a public restroom, but in this scenario something could’ve went horribly wrong. What if you walk up on something like this abused toilet? Would you really want to experience that? Sure, to some of you who like gross stuff, it would make for a great story. But keep in mind that seeing that picture is a LOT different from actually walking up to it in person. (And don’t say I never mentioned the smell! That might cause problems before you could escape…)
If this has piqued your curiosity and you want to know “the rest of the story”, then I have to apologize, because I did not find out why this happened. I didn’t want to investigate, and I figure it’s better not to talk to a stranger who is running from a public restroom… I haven’t learned that from experience, but it just seems like good sense. However, I have learned that sometimes it’s better to just not know…
Feel free to speculate in the comments, if you must…
There wasn’t a caption contest last week because of Thanksgiving and my busyness, but this week things are back to normal. So let’s kick it off with a bang… or, rather, a crash.
This week’s photo features a train wreck. But this isn’t some normal derailment — this train went through a building. And the tracks aren’t even in the picture! So something extraordinary happened here. It’s up to you to write a story or joke to go with this. Here’s some starting points to help you think of something: Why did this happen? How could this have happened? Who was involved? What do the owners of the building think? What about the people watching? Or the cleanup crew? Remember, you can embellish the story however you want, or even just make it all up. The goal is to be funny, not necessarily realistic. Have fun with it. Let your mind wander.
You can click the image for a larger version.
(To see our other caption contests, click on the “Say What?” category in the sidebar.)