viewer mail!

It’s time for another installment of viewer mail.  Well, we don’t actually have viewer mail yet, but we have talked about it!  Perhaps in the near future we will have a place for you to ask your questions to our panel of experts.  In the meantime, we will use some of the actual search terms used in finding this site to see what you, the reader, are interested in learning more about.  Enjoy!

  • stupid plans for world domination — I’m not sure why you’re looking for the stupid plans, unless you want to see if your plans are listed.  Regardless of your intent, we do have some here.  A fellow who called himself “Important Evil Genius” had some idea of making pickled zombies, and that’s definitely stupid.  There’s also a post called “what would be your method of choice for World Domination?”, and it has some ideas.  There’s some info by Mr. Destructo, who sounds like he knows a thing or two about doomsday devices.  (Let’s hope he decides to use his powers for good.)
  • dentist puns — Unfortunately, we have some of these on the site.  Our buffet of randomness includes all kinds of humor, even some non-humorous items on the side like puns.  Search for dentist (from the box in the right sidebar) and you’ll find them.
  • memoir about my childhood life — I think you’re confused.  You want to find memoirs about your own childhood life?  Shouldn’t you already know them?  And if there are some posted online, shouldn’t you know about them?  Either way, we do not have your childhood memoirs at this time.  If there’s enough interest, we could write some for you.  But we do have some of Thomas Wayne’s memoirs, and he’s had an interesting life.
  • fat inducing virus — This sounds like it should go with the “stupid plans for world domination” search.  Why else do you want to make everyone fat?  Or are you trying to make the rest of the world like America?  Or are you about to start selling some fat-reducing medicine?  Hmm…
  • WORKAHOLIC COWORKER — We have this covered already.  Search the site for “workaholic”.
  • blogs high blood pressure — Boy, do we have something for you!  Search for a post called “reducing high blood pressure”.  It’s a good time.  (However, if you have serious problems, you should be visiting a doctor instead of reading this.)  Here, we debate things like whether eating bacon can lower your blood pressure.  Yeah, that stands in the face of conventional wisdom, but bacon sure is good!
  • golf is boring — True dat!  We here at Buffet o’ Blog have noticed that, too, when they waste precious time during SportsCenter to show golf highlights.  So we started a post called “making golf less boring”.  The ideas presented here are definitely radical, but we think they would greatly improve the ratings and make people more interested in playing.  Feel free to add your own ideas in the comments section.

That’s all for today.  Stay tuned for the next installment of this valuable series.

15 thoughts on “viewer mail!

  1. Important Sleep Clinician

    Dear Buffet o’ Blog,

    Would you please post a link to purchase the Yanni CD mentioned in other posts? It would be quite helpful to my patients if I could just refer them to your website. Thanks for your help with this matter.

    Important Sleep Clinician

  2. buffetoblog

    Dear Important Sleep Clinician,

    Thank you for your question. I consulted the official Buffet o’ Blog Marketing Handbook, and it is against our policy to sell products that suck. I’m sure many other sites would be glad to sell you the CD you requested.

    Thank you, drive thru…

  3. Important Evil Genius E.D

    I rather like the idea of unleashing a fat-inducing virus on the general population… you could make millions if you had a ‘skinny-pill’ anti-tote to sell… actually… you should just save yourself the time & effort of engineering a fat-virus… just market your ‘skinny-pill’ to america… you’d be RICH! We’re all fat here! 🙂 hmmm… could it be that someone has ALREADY unleashed a fat-inducing virus on the populous? Can anyone say ‘conspiracy theory?’

  4. Mr. Destructo

    The idea of a fat-inducing virus is certainly a lot better than the current “plan” for world domination by “important evil genius” (pickled people). Maybe he’s hanging out at this blog because he found the post about how to conquer the world… he’s trying to steal someone else’s idea because he knows his is retarded and he can’t think of anything better… I think that’s what’s going on…

  5. Important Evil Genius E.D

    Mr. Butt-structo… It is my belief that YOU are the one mentioned in the mailbag for ‘stupid plans for world domination’. Since you (As a MERE Mr. as opposed to Dr.) were likely afraid that your ingeniously STUPID plans would be listed. Or worse yet… you HAVE no plan… else (as is the time honored tradition) you would have shared it with us already… so to compensate for your LACK of a propensity for knowledge you hang out on someone’s blog making threats… Go home & work on your thesis!

  6. Mr. Destructo

    When one resorts to name-calling, it reveals that his argument is weak. And now the proof that “Important Evil Genius” has no foundation for his tiresome tirades is made obvious.

    We’ve already been over the issue of revealing my plan. Besides, you reveal it when it’s about to succeed and you’ve captured the “good guy”. The plot is not yet to that point. I am still putting the finishing touches on my doomsday device.

    Have I threatened anyone? I recall you threatening to turn people here into pickled zombies or some such nonsense. I have not resorted to picking on individual people for no reason. I have casually mentioned the destruction of the world, but that’s nothing personal against anyone here.

  7. Important Evil Genius E.D

    Mr. Destructo what do you mean “I have casually mentioned the destruction of the world, but that’s nothing personal against anyone here. ”

    *I* take my world destruction SERIOUSLY!!!

    YOU are weak mr NON-Doctor guy! If you ever DO attempt world domination… I will turn ‘good’ just to foil your plan!

    I’ll be the worlds first ‘evil good guy’… mwa ha ha ha!

  8. Mr. Destructo

    Certainly I also take world destruction seriously, though I do not take you seriously.

    You want to be an “evil good guy”? What kind of ridiculosity is that? You sound like John Kerry, flip-flopping even in the same sentence. (And that’s not good company to keep.)

    I will attempt world domination in the near future, so go ahead and be good — good and quiet. It is in your best interests to stay out of my way, so you don’t get embarrassed when your vast array of weaknesses are exposed. Why don’t you stay home and watch reruns of old Scooby-Doo cartoons?

  9. Important Evil Genius E.D

    Mr. Fake-stucto I agree with your last statement… at least the part where you state that you “will attempt world domination in the near future”. with emphasis on ‘attempt’… that’s all it will be… an attempt!!! one which will not succeed! You talk a good game… but thats all it is… a bunch of smack talk from a wanna-be that has to use a thesaurus to find big words so he can make himself feel smart. As for cartoons? what do you have against them? that’s just one more strike against you… one that I dare say the readers of this blog won’t appreciate.

  10. Mr. Destructo

    Isn’t it odd that the last 3 comments were all posted right after each other, at 3:57pm? Obviously the Important Evil Genius (E.D) has been watching reruns of old Scooby-Doo cartoons. (Not that that in itself is a bad thing. But it looks like he gets his plans for world domination from the bad guys in the cartoon. He probably sets up a projector and wears a rubber mask…)

    BTW, you sure talk a lot of smack, but you haven’t destroyed the world yet, and you’re already old! When do you plan on actually doing something? I am meticulously constructing the most elaborate scheme of world destruction that has ever been imagined. I will wait until everything is right (which won’t take that long), because you only get one shot at destroying the world (if you’re successful). So I want to do it right. You just wait and see… oh, wait, you don’t have very many years left, do you, old man? Well, if you can hang on another year or two, you won’t have to die of old age — you will be at the mercy of my doomsday device. MUWA-HA-HA-HA!

  11. Important Evil Genius E.D

    you crack pot! my plan IS perfected… AND it’s been tested years ago… where do you think the grand canyon came from? the generally accepted belief that it was formed by millions of years of erosion was a theory I put in motion before you were ever born. Isn’t it ironic there is no one alive to dispute my theory? NO… NOT ironic… because I ‘destroyed’ them… thats right. The only reason I haven’t already put my plan into motion is because I have been following your pathetic excuse of a career for sometime. Your weak claims and over-use of a thesaurus has amused me greatly. As I’ve said before every great Evil Genius reveals their plan before putting it into action… so here is MY plan. I am going to wait until you ‘think’ you have your plan perfected & then put mine into motion seconds before you put your plan into action… thereby making all your supposed research null & void!!! I AM the master genius… mwa ha ha ha… I only TOY with you for my amusement mr. con-structo!

  12. Sigmund Fraud

    It has become abundantly clear that the two of you have a great deal of separation anxiety due to years of early maternal abandonment. You two have the most entertaining, yet sad delusions of grandeur I have ever seen.

    First of all, Mr. Destructo, the bad Dr. is right. You do overuse your thesaurus, book of word equivalents, and journal of alternate verbage. And you really can’t build an effective dooomsday device out of legos, tinker toys, and Lincoln logs. That’s child’s play if you don’t mind me quoting my friend Puns-R-Us.

    And you Bad Dr., sir: I only call you sir because I was taught to call my elders sir, and you sir are an “elder” to everyone! Your longevity has also brought on senility of the worst kind. Your mind is now turning you into a person of aggression and hostility coupled with a false sense of accomplisment and importance. Your younger years as a French pastry chef gave you a sense of surrender (that’s the French part) and inadequacy. Now, in your years of senility, your mind is telling you that you’re a man of some importance and evil power. This makes up for the years of obscurity, at least in your mind. And as for your doomsday methods, I’m sure you were around when the Grand Canyon came into being, but you, sir had nothing to do with it. We all know that was Paul Bunyan and his trusty blue ox, Babe walking around and Paul drug his ax and made the Grand Canyon, or something like that. Your greatest accomplishment is behind you, in that you invented that thing that you inject icing to make filled donuts. You have no destructive abilities, just self-destructive neural tissue in your cerebral cortex.

  13. Pingback: dangerous secret lair discovered « Buffet o’ Blog

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